Living on the cusp of armageddon is terrifying in a lot of ways, but as completionists, it’s kind of exciting!
Take for example this list of the top 30 New Year’s Eve movies. This is probably going to be the LAST LIST of New Year’s Eve movies, ever! We’ve got like what, 4, maybe 6 more years of society as we know it, tops? Hot off the writers’ strike, it’s highly unlikely Hollywood is going to crank out a list-worthy New Year’s movie in that time.
So yeah, the coming apocalypse sucks, but let’s try to concentrate on the positives and close the book on New Year’s Eve movies forever!
30. Happy New Year, Charlie Brown (1986)
Good grief, is there any holiday the Peanuts gang doesn’t try to bum us out on? This time around Charlie Brown has to go to Peppermint Patty’s New Year’s Eve party. The dilemma? He wants to finish reading “War and Peace!” Will Charlie be able to finish his book in time before.. uhm, ah, who gives a fuck?! This one also heavily features the extremely nuanced, totally three-dimensional character “the little redhead girl.” Thanks, Charles Schulz, your losery proto-incel bullshit is an inspiration to millions!
29. Serendipity (2001)
We really don’t get why so many New Year’s movies are romantic comedies. Do you know a single person who met their long-term significant other on New Year’s Eve? If you fuck someone on New Year’s at best you awkwardly have coffee the following morning and silently agree to never see each other again.
28. Eat, Pray, Love (2011)
Not sure why anyone would want to ring in one of the last years we have left with “White Privilege: The Motion Picture.” You shouldn’t be rooting for a wealthy, shameless culturally appropriating Julia Roberts to find herself, you should be hoarding drinking water and canned goods!
27. The Apartment (1960)
Another New Year’s Eve romance ending, but this one’s the most believable of the bunch what with all the cheating, classism, and misogyny.
26. I Hate New Year’s (2020)
Remember that magical New Year’s Eve when you went hunting for your ex to get inspiration for your rising but recently stagnating pop music career, only to find that the best friend who’s been helping you is the real person you love all along? No, of course you don’t. You remember pigs in a blanket, cheap sparkling wine, and vomiting. Then you were hungover, then you went back to your shitty job. It’s not a romantic day!
25. Happy New Year (1987)
The most prevalent type of New Year’s Eve movies are rom-coms, which again makes zero sense, but the second most common type is heist movies, and that’s way more plausible when you think about it. New Year’s Eve is a great time for robbery. Lots of cash flowing around, lots of big events, and everyone’s drunk and stupid, honestly we might try to pull one. Once you’re all distracted by Post Malone and LL Cool J rocking out in Times Square, we’re coming for the Planet Fitness vault and living out the end of civilization in style!
24. Two Lovers (2009)
More New Year’s Eve Romance, depressed 2008 Brooklyn hipster style! In other words, bad!
23. Mermaids (1990)
This movie features Cher dressed as a mermaid at a New Year’s Eve party, which feels appropriately apocalyptic. Definitely has a Book of Revelations vibe.
22. The Age of Adaline (2015)
Another romance movie and one about living forever to boot. Two things completely antithetical to New Year’s Eve. Especially now, don’t have children, they won’t see their teenage years thanks to all the damage we’ve done.
21. A Winter Getaway (2021)
Do you like your New Year’s romance stories with the added artifice of a woman still loving a man after she finds out he was lying about being a millionaire? Then “Winter Getaway” is the movie for you! Also, you’re fucking WEIRD!
20. Ocean’s Eleven (1960)
Another year, another heist, baby! The original “Ocean’s Eleven” took place on New Year’s Eve, and really, who partied harder on New Year’s Eve than The Rat Pack? If you can ignore all the womanizing, assault, petty miserdom, and other problematic behaviors from everyone involved in this film it’s a real swingin’ time, babe.
19. Strange Days (1995)
This 1995 sci-fi thriller is about the distant future of 1999, where technology has evolved to the point where people can record their experiences and emotions and play them for others. Remember that? Remember how hot that was in ’99? No? Exactly. This movie is a poignant reminder that our dreams of what the future might hold are just that—dreams. Here we are edging up to the end of days in 2024 and the closest thing we have to that is neuralink, which pretty much just kills monkeys.
18. Carol (2016)
More romance, great. What could be more romantic than a holiday synonymous with vomiting, loud noises, and broken promises?
17. Snowpiercer (2013)
This is our lowest-ranked New Year’s Eve movie that takes place on a train. That’s not saying nothing, there are four of them! Romance, heists, and trains, apparently that’s what New Year’s Eve is all about. This one is simply the least credible as civilization is clearly going to crumble long before some rich maniac can build a train around the world. Elon Musk can’t even run Twitter, there’s no way the Hyperloop ever happens.
16. Trading Places (1983)
Coming in third on our micro-list of train-centric New Year’s movies it’s “Trading Places.” Merry New Year!
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