So the person making your coffee is attractive, and you’re thinking now might be the perfect time to take advantage of the fact that they are required to talk to you and slip them your number. This seems like a great idea—in fact, the only thing more charming than doing this would be just ordering your coffee like a normal person and then leaving. We know this can be hard to nail down, so here’s a guide for how to most effectively hit on the cute barista by not.
1. Order something
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but we’ve always said the best part about going to a place of business is not the potential sexual conquest, but the fact that you get to order something. Look at all the options— coffee, bagels, pastries. Anything is on the table except for “your number” or “What do YOU think I should order?” It’s also a little known fact that baristas absolutely fall in love with people who just fucking put in an order.
2. Wait for the thing you ordered
Now that your order is in, wait for the barista to prepare it. We know that them making the coffee behind the counter might seem like an invitation for you to ask them how long they’ve been working here or what their favorite “type of coffee” is, but the better move would be to say nothing at all. Remember, everyone loves a mystery— and what could be more mysterious than actually not being a sexual opportunist?
3. Leave
This might be the hardest part of the task, but it is the only final step before you’re finished—your job now is to leave. That’s right. Exit. Remove yourself from the premises. Your relationship with the barista is over until 24 hours from now when you’ll walk yourself through this all again. Yes, you left a tip on the iPad, which might seem like it puts the ball in their court to offer you sexual favors. But if you’re looking to pay for sex there are plenty of other places you can go than the Blue Bottle on your corner.
We hope this guide was helpful. The next time you’re thinking of how to make your move on the cute barista, remember that it is possible to actually just exchange money for goods and services.