CARTHAGE, Texas — Eight-year-old birthday boy and aspiring punk Giovanni Duhamel specifically requested an inflatable, bouncy “Dischord House” for his backyard party, sources confirmed while lining up to take a bounce for themselves.
“He’s a normal kid, y’know? He loves ‘Beyblade,’ ‘Teen Titans’ and, sure, like most third graders these days, he has a deep love and understanding of the ‘80s D.C hardcore scene. It was only natural he’d want it to be the theme of his big bash,” said Duhamel’s step-father Percy, as he manned the hand ‘X’ painting booth. “Of course, all the kids want a picture in the big puffy porch part. The bounciness sent one kid flying clear across the yard, but he ended up in the basketball hoop, so he could still pay homage to Fugazi. Remind me to get him down around cake time.”
Attendees of the party were also delighted to meet “Ian MacKaye,” a costumed walk-around character of the actual Minor Threat founder.
“I really wish I was allowed to charge more than five dollars for my appearance fees, but on the whole, it’s about the art,” said professional “Party Ian” Ollie Giscombe, from under his big bald fake head. “When I see the look on the birthday boy or girl’s face when I scream ‘Don’t inhale birthday candle smoke! Don’t drink too much Hawaiian Punch! And don’t fuh-orget to send thank you notes to everyone who got you a present’ I know it’s all worth it. Oh, but the kids who think I’m Elmer Fudd can kick bricks, though.”
Punk Bounce House rental company owner Cornelia Loggins was glad to provide the party with its centerpiece.
“Oh yeah, the inflatable Dischord House is definitely one of the most popular novelties we offer. That kid was lucky, we just patched it up after a vicious rupture after a little girl’s studded vest popped it. I almost had to send a blow-up Gilman Street as a replacement and hope the little S.O.B didn’t notice,” said Loggins. “Top seller is still what we call ‘Tee-Hee-GB’s.’ That’s a big bouncy CBGB, which is my favorite because we never have to hose the vomit off it after. Just gets more and more authentic with every tummy ache.”
At press time, a classmate of Duhamel’s was kicked out of the party for eating a fudgsicle, when the invitation specifically stated “No Ice Cream Eating Motherfuckers.”