TULSA, Okla. — Local Hankerin’ For a Skankerin’ roadie Yancy Reynolds is reportedly sick and tired of constantly having to untangle the band’s jumbled trombones before each set, exasperated sources confirmed.
“I can’t believe I used to complain about having to untangle messes of cables. This is a thousand times harder. Why can’t they just put their trombones back neatly after they’re done?” said the long-suffering Reynolds. “The brass of the horn is so un-malleable, it takes me about two hours every night to separate them, and I can feel the crowd getting angry with me. It’s not my fault.”
Band members on the other hand had no plans to alter their post-show rituals, even if it would lead to streamlining the process.
“Look, I’m only one of nine trombonists in this band. If I’m expected to end my set and not just toss my ‘bone into a pile with the others, then the other eight are going to have to agree to that too. And those guys party even harder than me!” said Hankerin’ For a Skankerin’ trombone player Tabor Whitley. “The guy knew the job was dangerous when he took it. Try to find me a ska roadie that says they aren’t constantly untangling brass instruments I’ll show you a liar.”
Reynolds has reportedly taken his complaints to the top of the chain, sending his pleas to the Mayor of Ska Rudy “Rudeboy” Guiliskani.
“I have looked over the roadie’s appeal and let me state, for the record, that I am denying Mr. Reynolds’ motion to make Hankerin’ For a Skankerin’ a hornless band,” said Guiliskani. “I will see to it that something like that never, ever happens under my regime as Mayor of Ska. The notion has rocked me, and my community, to its core. So let it be known, if Mr. Reynolds sees a jumble of trombones lying on the dressing room floor before a show, he will have to do what we in the ska community have been doing for centuries. And that’s pick it up.”
At press time, Reynolds decided to quit the group entirely after hearing the band discussing adding 12 sousaphone players to fill out their sound.