“Yes, I DJ Now”: An Op-Ed by That Old Guy from That One Band

Every Tuesday at 10 p.m., you know where you should be? Oh, good, you do — The Hogshead, where I will be spinning records until last call.

Ever since the band I was in — yeah, you know which one — broke up, I really needed a way to stay busy, so, yeah: I DJ now. I will be sure to remind you of it on all forms of social media, endlessly, from here until eternity or I’m replaced by karaoke.

You should really come out. It’s a lot of fun. I play anything from the Smiths to Morrissey and everything in between.

People ask me all the time how I got into being a DJ. Listen, man: it’s in my blood. And this city clearly needed a guy like me to come in and liven it up a bit, with slow, sad songs about unrequited love and unexpressed desire and wanting to be dead.

Did you know there are only four nights per week here you can go to a dive bar and hear songs exclusively by Morrissey or The Smiths? Not to mention there are a paltry 17 dance nights a month that are ’80s themed. Are we in the stone age? How are people supposed to unwind after a long day in the cubicle?

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Some people have told me that being a DJ is “cheap” or “lazy,” because all you need these days is an iPod, or Spotify playlist. In fact, some people who I would call “friends” or “immediate family members” have told me to my face that you need “literally no talent whatsoever to be a DJ” and that “a cat could probably do it.” To those people, I say “fuck you, man.” A cat could NOT be a DJ. Nor could a robot. And yes, I know Daft Punk does it, but those robots are the exception to the rule.

Seriously, though. I am sick of people giving me shit over this. Yeah, I DJ now, and I take it very seriously. Sometimes I even get a cut of the bar at the end of the night. So please come out every Tuesday, listen to the same songs over and over with people you don’t want to talk to, and forget your problems. I know I will.

See you next week.

  • Mikey Shine

Photo by Dave.See.

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