Woman Who Just Moved to Austin Excited to Complain About SXSW for First Time

AUSTIN, Texas — With the 2017 South by Southwest festival underway, recent Austin transplant Kimberly Meeks is eager to complain about the annual event every chance she can get, sources close to her confirmed.

Meeks, who moved to Austin less than three weeks ago, admitted she loved the festival in years past. But, now that she’s a “real Austinite,” she’s already tired of the influx of tourists, various social media postings confirm.

“It’s like they’re messing with my home,” she said, surrounded by moving boxes she has yet to unpack. “And it just kills me these corporate bozos are here, making the walk to Barton Springs a nightmare.”

Meeks emphasized that, despite her newfound negativity, it’s her excitement with the authenticity of the local community that fuels her impassioned defense.

“Just yesterday, I was getting coffee at Houndstooth, and the guy in front me told the barista he was in town for the festival. [The barista] and I made eye contact and had this moment, like, ‘Oh my god, this loser.’ I told her I was at my ‘Austin city limit’ with this festival when I ordered.

“Sorry if you don’t get that joke,” she added. “It’s a local, inside joke, because there’s this TV show called Austin City Limits here.”

Meeks noted she spent most of the time since her move prepping for this week, writing a series of notes on her phone for ways to overreact to minor inconveniences.

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“I’ve got a list of popular places and how long it takes to get there, so I can tweet about how much longer than usual it’s taking,” she said. “Then there’s the insulting names for the festival, like, ‘Suck by Suckwest’ or ‘South by Worthless.’ Also, if anyone asks, I’m just going to say the last year it was good was 1996. I figure there’s no way I’ll actually run into someone who was here in 1996 — no way could they afford it now.”

Meeks’ 18 days in Austin have pushed her to explore more things that “used to be great but are now ruined.”

“After this, I’m going to Machu Picchu — which I’ve heard is amazing, except for shitty tourists. And I’ve always wanted to drive around in Los Angeles and ask, ‘Can you even believe this?’ at the traffic,” said Meeks wistfully. “Then, before you know it, I’ll be back in Austin, a year older, a year wiser, and probably posting a status, like, ‘Ugh, Austin so great, but…’”

Article by Steven Kowalski @CasimerKowalski. Photo by Shelby Kettrick @ShelbyShootsStuff.

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