D.R.I. Logo Tears ACL

HOUSTON – Following decades of touring and the wear-and-tear of life on the road, doctors report D.R.I.’s legendary “Skanker Man” has been sidelined with a torn ACL.

Physicians monitoring his prognosis say the injury occurred during a show in Oakland earlier this year. “It was a typical night,” said the logo. “I was there for the load-in, soundcheck, everything. Then about halfway through the show, I’m in the crowd, like usual… and I just came down on it wrong.”

Fans of the logo were shocked to hear he had suffered what could be a career-ending injury. “He’s held it in that bent position for thirty-four years straight,” said longtime fan Becky Clayborn. “I don’t know that he can do anything else; that’s been his whole career. It’s heartbreaking. I mean, where do you go from there?”

The logo stoically tried to carry on several more days with a steady dose of pain relieving patches and bandage wraps, but was forced to seek medical attention after his makeshift brace and cane ruined the aesthetic of the band’s bass drum.

Representatives of the band say D.R.I. has temporarily brought in the Circle Jerks logo to help finish out the tour until their own logo is back on his feet.

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“Look, it gets harder as you get older,” said the Circle Jerks logo. “I do at least half an hour of stretching before every show and definitely hit an ice bath afterwards. You can learn all about it in my new web series, ‘Punk Rock Pilates.’”

Despite the injury, the logo is trying to maintain good spirits. “I guess you could say I’m Dealing With It. You know, like the album?” he pleaded.

Luckily, doctors say Skanker Man is expected to make a full recovery, and the knee is now on the mend thanks to intense physical therapy at the same clinic where the Descendents logo was treated for early-onset male-pattern baldness.

Article by John Kennedy.

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