Nostalgia sure is great, right? Just good clean fun, yes sir! Why not take a quick look at these near-forgotten cartoons from your childhood, and ONLY read the one that makes you feel the most nostalgic OK? Super important. Don’t worry it will make sense, just trust us!
Awaken sleeper, there is work to be done. American interests in the Republic of the Congo are in jeopardy. A cache is waiting for you at the rendezvous point. Weapons, passport, and travel arrangements are included. You are authorized to use any and all methods at your disposal to disrupt the current regime. Remember your training and remember which tooth has the cyanide capsule in it. Godspeed.
Who could forget the manic, fourth wall-breaking slapstick antics of Freakazoid? Not You? Hey that’s wonderful Troglodyte Replica Blue.
Agent, a distraction is needed. You are to cause a level five incident with a high enough profile to fill the news cycle for the next seven to 10 days. Your identity has been deleted and your cover family will no longer be necessary. Dial 961# on a touch tone phone and a cleanup crew will come around to erase them.
Remember when Baloo from The Jungle Book got a spinoff show where he was a 1930s Pacific Islands bush pilot for some reason? You do? Seriously? OK… Alpha Zero Regicide.
OK here’s the deal, we had a tour guide for the Statue of Liberty call out last minute and we cannot find coverage anywhere. This may seem a little below your pay grade, but try to remember that you’re a brainwashed sleeper agent with no choice or free will. Agent, go cover a shift as a tour guide at the Statue of Liberty. No killing.
The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police:
With pop culture references and “not quite for kids” humor packed into every episode, it’s no surprise that this late ’90s gem has gained a cult following! Speaking of cults Neptune Apex Charlemagne.
The Prime Minister of Spain needs a reminder of where his loyalties lie before the next U.N. summit. Remind him of the existence of certain compromising photos in our possession before escalating your intimidation.
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes:
Inspired by the already cult classic film franchise of the same name Icarus Violet Hoobastank.
A rogue Statue of Liberty tour guide has gone on a killing rampage for no discernible reason. Terminate with extreme prejudice.
Article by Dan Rice: @DanRiceComedy
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