Katie? Hey, it’s Jeremy. We have Biology together but, um, I think we met at that show for Pete’s band. It’s so cool that you like punk music. I just wanted to say, you know, if you don’t already have a date or anything, I thought of a few reasons why you might wanna maybe go with me to that stupid prom that’s happening.
1. We could, you know, laugh at all the losers
We could stand by the bleachers in the gym and make fun of all the people in tuxes and stuff. Oh man, they are going to look so lame. That’ll be so funny. I bet the jocks are gonna be all, “Duhh, how do I tie a bow tie,” and the cheerleaders are like, “I spent $5,000 on this dress my daddy bought me.” Ha ha, right?! But seriously though, I bet you would look nice in a dress.
2. Make the DJ play some punk
When the DJ puts on Taylor Swift or whatever crap we can be all, “Play some Pennywise!” Or like give him our phones and make him play something off of them. We could, like, start a pit in the gym, that would be so crazy.
3. My brother will buy us beer
My older brother said he will totally buy us some beer for an after party. We could hang out in my basement. If you don’t like beer he could get us some Hooch or Maddog, whatever you want, I’ll get it for you. Unless you are straight edge, then I don’t drink either.
4. Get your mom off your back
I bet your mom is all like, “Why don’t you go to prom like all the normal kids!” Now you can be all like, “Okay mom, jeeze!” Ugh, my mom’s doing that … parents are so lame. I bet they’ll want to take pictures and all that dumb stuff. I guess I’ll get you a corsage to placate social norms.
5. I could wear a dress a freak out all the plebs
Oh man, wouldn’t it just freak everyone out if I showed up in the dress?! Principle Geller would lose his shit. Not that I want to wear a dress but it’s just, you know what, nevermind, forget that one.
6. Janey and Greg are going
You are friends with Janey with the pink hair, right? Cool, yeah, I know Greg. Maybe we could all go together, like a group thing. I heard Janey’s stepdad is a limo driver, I bet we could go with them. Greg’s pretty cool. I heard he jumped off Pete’s roof into the pool. It’ll be a crazy night if we go with him.
7. Maybe we could do one or two slow dances
They might play one or two slow songs that aren’t totally awful that we could dance to. I mean, like jokingly, right? Where I like spin you and dip you and be all crazy. Maybe then I could, like, hold you close and kinda sway with my hand on the small of your back. I bet you will smell terrific, I mean…
You know what, forget it, it’s stupid, nevermind. I mean, if you think it’s stupid. Do you? Just text me and let me know.
If you want to take Katie to the stupid prom, let her know in the comments below!
Article by Dan Kozuh @k0zuh.
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