Summer is just around the corner, and with that comes an increased chance of being brutally murdered while out enjoying a nice time with friends. There are so many things to worry about with beach season approaching: vacation destinations, squeezing into our swimsuits from last year, and that axe murderer closing in on you, just to name a few.
Why not start with the obvious? This classic plea will hopefully alert any hotties in the area that you’re in some serious trouble. The strategy here is for any sexy singles worth their salt to answer your call and save the day. Or at least buy you some precious getaway time as your would be savior is gutted like a salmon.
2. “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?”
Numerous studies have shown that today’s lack of face-to-face communication affects our happiness. Maybe this deranged lunatic with the bandages on his face hasn’t had anyone actually LISTEN to him in a while. Open a line of dialogue, you might be surprised what you two learn about each other! Like whether he is going to kill you with that axe!
3. “GOD, NO! PLEASE!”
Religion is always a touchy subject to bring up, but what better time to talk about it than during your ultimate demise? As the killer approaches and you realize you’re out of options, why not make a final plea for the almighty savior you’ve casually believed in all these years? Are you there, God? It’s me, THE DUDE GETTING AXE MURDERED!
Let us know some other great things to scream before you die this summer in the comments below!
Article by Mark Roebuck @mark_roebuck