Despite all evidence to the contrary, local skateboarder Doug Kennedy swears he landed the trick he has been attempting for the past two hours on his second attempt during a skate session just yesterday.
“After every try, he would just yell ‘Fuck! What is wrong with me,’ and promise that he would get it next try,” said filmer Tom Russo after another one of Kennedy’s botched attempts at a kickflip backside tailslide. “And he kept telling me ‘you should have been here yesterday man, I slid the entire block on the second fucking try,’ but I have already switched batteries twice and I think this is a lost cause.”
Kennedy was very forthcoming with reasons the make was failing to materialize.
“Well first off, somebody waxed the fuck out of this ledge; some rollerblader kids must have been here or some shit,” said a profusely sweating Kennedy. “And I replaced a broken lace on my shoe, which is totally fucking me up because my foot doesn’t have the range of movement it did yesterday.”
Friends of Kennedy say this is not the first time he has claimed to have landed a trick with minimal effort and then failed to back it up when others were present.
“We went on this road trip to California last year, and we found this 13-stair handrail that he wanted to try to 50-50 but kept pussying out,” said longtime friend Jimmy Oliveira. “But he kept saying ‘god damn it, I don’t know what my problem is — I stomped this first try yesterday.’ But the thing is, we were 150 miles away from the rail when he claimed to have skated it. The math didn’t add up, and he never ended up trying the rail. He focused his board and wasn’t able to skate for the next two days.”
As of press time witnesses report Kennedy was heard saying, “if I don’t land it next try I am going to kill myself,” before throwing his board in a trash can and sitting by himself on a bench for twenty-five minutes.