MACON, Ga. — Panic-stricken and barely coherent GWAR roadie Miles Giodarno was spotted dashing through the streets of Macon, desperately trying to secure a whopping…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local punk band Slice planned to play exceptionally shitty to trigger audiences to throw fruit at them in an attempt to reverse the…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Veteran rock mainstays Ironsides officially entered the phase of their career where they tour with an orchestra, unenthused sources who hoped this…
WASHINGTON — President Trump took control of the police in Washington, D.C. and deployed the National Guard to crack down on rampant crime and destruction…
LODI, N.J. — Famous singer and mildly renowned film director Glenn Danzig felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him when he spontaneously decided it…
WASHINGTON — Experts at the Department of Education (DoE) have issued a dire warning that further cuts to their institution could result in even more…
LOS ANGELES — Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine suggested starting a “supergroup” with Metallica members James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich and Robert Trujillo, sources report. “I haven’t…
MADISON, Wis. — Noticing the copious golden earwax covering your Eargasm concert earplugs, a depraved concertgoer at the Riff Palace Festival asked if you were…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Local man Bart Carlsen is positive the $40 band tee he’s receiving in the mail today will turn his life around,…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Suburban father Tyler Rainey expressed frustration over children’s lack of media literacy, despite firmly believing country singer Garth Brooks and his…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local reunion show for ska band Skattergories was reportedly ruined by all the ska music, confirmed sources who wondered when it…
TRENTON, N.J. — Black metal band Kald Syk completely humiliated themselves by playing a song about Satan after opener Speared Side had already covered the…
DENVER — A devastating 12-1 loss incurred by the Colorado Rockies at the hands of the Milwaukee Brewers was completely overshadowed by the DJ playing…
RALEIGH, N.C. — Local punk thrashers Suet are using Bandcamp’s ability to send email notifications disproportionately to the level of interest garnered by their music,…
LINKÖPING, Sweden — An American punk backpacking through Europe reportedly refused to learn simple key phrases for the countries he is visiting, opting instead to…