Crust Punk Disgusted by Local Dumpster’s Lack of Vegan Options

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OAKLAND, Calif. — Following an initiative to keep the mall parking lot cleaner, two new dumpsters were placed outside of Rockridge Shopping Center yesterday evening. But not everyone in the community is happy with the new additions. A local crust punk, who asked to be identified as “Tik Tak”, was disgusted when he learned the dumpsters refused to serve vegan options.

“We separate glass from aluminum,” the malnourished millennial, who is not forced to live this way but does so by choice, said. “Why not [separate] meat-based waste from plant-based waste?”

Tik Tak identifies as a vegan, opting to only eat foods that were made without harming animals. He and his friends, The Cardbored Boyz, can be found licking plastic packages at the recycling bin near the Jamba Juice.

“You know, it’s one thing to pick coffee grinds and used ketchup packets off of a killer vegan donut, I’m totally fine with that – but I’ll have to throw out a perfectly good piece of day old bread if it’s sitting next to a quarter-full cup of Matcha Green Tea Blast. When will this mall realize not everyone eating out of the dumpster is FREEGAN?”

The Hard Times spoke with the mall staff to see how they would plan to accommodate their vegan crust punk, but not freegan customers in the future.

Related: Six Things Deadlier Than A Crust Punk

“What do you mean what do I do with the trash?” Rob Gainly, a maintenance worker and confirmed bloodmouth in charge of disposing of trash in the shopping mall, said. “I throw it in the trash – it’s fucking trash.”

“One man’s trash is another dude’s lunch, dude,” Tik Tak said. “People say there’s no such thing as a free lunch, but you can change that, man.”

“Get out of here before I call the cops,” Gainly added.

Article by The Hard Times Staff and Drew Kaufman. Photo by Neekoh.fi. This article has been toasted.

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