Gabie Barnes
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PHILADELPHIA — Local game enthusiast and known little baby bitch boy Shawn Hughes began his playthrough of The Last of…
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Dom Turek
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GARLAND, Texas — Local woman Kristen Tate practices safe sex by taking her birth control at the exact same time…
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Chris Jones
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WASHINGTON — The recently added census question, “What is your darkest fear?” has sparked confusion amongst citizens filling out the…
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Charles Bill
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DALLAS — Quarantined man Forest Whitlock was struck with a feeling of great anxiety today upon seeing Rod Serling, host…
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Jonah Nink
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GARY, Ind. — Local librarian Kate Frazier announced earlier today that a paper skeleton will headline the Halloween decorations on…
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Patrick Coyne
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CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski earned a tidy sum of $523 last week after nearly two dozen tourists…
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Patrick Crooks
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WASHINGTON — Distant smoke signals spotted by staff at local gay bar Pitchers earlier today confirmed that the bachelorette party…
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WASHINGTON — Drummer Cory Adonis of sludge metal band Casket Fissure accidentally opened the biblical Seventh Seal yesterday, commencing the…
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Lauren Lavín
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ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Self-described horror nerd Jackie Pagán will celebrate the Halloween season with a month-long news intake marathon, empathetic…
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Contributor
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LODI, N.J. — A highly anticipated Christmas album from punk legends The Misfits consists primarily of songs about Halloween, multiple…
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