ELLICOTT CITY, Md. — Local resident and supposed Staind fan Brandon Vintner wasn’t even present at the attempted coup on the U.S. Capitol on January…
BEND, Ore. — Local amateur historian and occasional beloved family member Paul Poppavich vehemently dismisses news of fascism’s rising international tide, despite an encyclopedic knowledge…
MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. — Unbearable conservative Doug Tannenburg told Descendents logo Milo that he should have chosen trade school instead of going to college in…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Local conservative, and self-proclaimed free thinking punk, Eddie Duff was confused by what he described as “woke propaganda” in Dead Kennedys lyrics…
Over the course of the 2000s (it will be a cold day in Hell before I recognize 2014s Season 4 as official), “The Boondocks” provided…
“Futurama” is the ultimate adult cartoon. Sometimes childish humor written by a team of comedy writers with multiple masters and PhDs between them, and the…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Local centrist Harris Miller revealed that he doesn’t care who wins the 2024 presidential election as long as each candidate has a…
WASHINGTON — Large factions of America’s right-wing who idolize Winston Churchill were united in horror at learning that he had a long-standing beef with German…
MENDHAM TOWNSHIP, N.J. — The notoriously hardworking Chris Christie began preparing for his 2028 presidential election dropout announcement mere hours after revealing he had ended…
AUBURN, N.Y. – Local dad Walter Morris reportedly interrupted his family’s annual viewing of “It’s a Wonderful Life” to inform them that Hunter Biden’s laptop…
DALLAS — Acclaimed country-pop band The Chicks shocked fans with the release of their new single, a eight-minute-long, thrash influenced song in which they encourage…
So, you thought you could outwit me, did you? You thought you could waltz in here and effortlessly diffuse my attacks on your ideology? That…
Can a person simply pull themselves up by their bootstraps or is American exceptionalism a lie? We decided to test this on some of the…
Ever since Q provided all free-thinking patriots with irrefutable proof that our country is controlled by a shadow governing cabal of baby eating devil worshipers…
I don’t know how our booking agent has managed to stay on this far but god dammit if this isn’t the absolute last fucking straw.…