POMONA, Calif. — In a group text to her three sons, Caroline Barnhardt followed an already cryptic message with a “downright chilling” series of ellipses,…
PASADENA, Calif. — Straight edge parents Mike and Joy Harmon were ecstatic to learn that their newborn daughter, MacKaye, was born with three X chromosomes,…
WASHINGTON — Republicans are drafting a new Obamacare replacement bill that includes a clause removing children from their parents’ Netflix account after the age of…
LOS ANGELES — Dreamworks Records executive Michael Sawchuk announced earlier today that the label has dropped nü-metal band Papa Roach in favor of a more…
DAVIS, Calif. — Sue and Phil Atherton were caught exchanging furtive glances last night in anticipation of the coitus scheduled for while their son is…
SEATTLE — A local couple expecting their first child began to baby-proof their lifestyle earlier this month, requiring major alterations to their array of facial…
BOSTON — AggroNap, a noise machine sleep aid for people who grew up in broken homes, is set to hit the market after months of…
MONTCLAIR, N.J. — The newborn baby of local punks Kara and Brian Davis is not living up to the hype and high expectations set forth…
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — After months of adversity, local punk trio Entity Zero confirmed last night that they will be moving back in with their respective…
DENVER — Tonya and Jim Belding caught their teenage son inhaling vaporized smoke from “some bewildering contraption” last week, according to sources close to the…
GLENDALE, Mo. — 14-year-old musician Andrew Neely was caught by his mother recording music alone in his bedroom earlier today, according to sources currently trying…
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio — Drummer Andy Brewster of local punk band Burner Phone has allegedly ruined his mother’s “good rug” in trying to keep his kit…
NEW YORK — Missing nine-year-old vegan child Hunter Morgan has still not been recovered, according to investigators, despite his family posting his photo on the packaging…
There is a lot of excitement about this new Power Rangers, but I have a clear message about it for everybody out in Hollywood: It is too…
There comes a time in every punks life when they are faced with an age old question: “How am I going to fund my grindcore label?” So…
