PITTSBURGH — The parents of local punk Donny “Kebab” Babcock fitted their son with a special studded cone around his neck to prevent him from…
WASHINGTON — Your parents, who have spent every waking moment for the past 20 years preparing for the end of humanity, once again asked when…
HENNEPIN COUNTY, Minn. — The largely unsupervised Peanuts gang has finally called Child Protective Services on the parents of their unhygienic and destitute classmate Pigpen.…
LOS ANGELES — Local mother Donna Haim urged the three members of her daughters’ band HAIM to take their little brother with them on tour…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local mom Virginia Thompson recently tried to convince her heavily tattooed son that the most punk thing he could do is have far…
PORTLAND, Ore. — New parents and self-described “post-punk connoisseurs” Sara and Tom Mitchell proudly unveiled the name of their newborn child, Untitled, bewildered hospital sources…
NEW YORK — Popular dictionary manufacturer Merriam-Webster made an unexpected change to the definition of “self-made” to include musicians with only one wealthy, connected parent,…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local parents Jean and Tom Decker finally decided it’s acceptable to let their middle-aged son watch that new Beavis and Butthead movie,…
MERCER, Pa. — Nancy Lou and Michael Reznor remain optimistic that their son Trent’s strange clothing, dour attitude, and obsession with the macabre is nothing…
Hey, Boomer. Think you’re so smart, eh? Well, here are the worst pieces of life advice ever passed down to millennials. If you’re not rich…
OLIN, N.Y. — Local show promoter Ace Tucker dampened the mood of a recent show billed as “Brutal Basement Hardcore” when he kindly asked guests…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local woman Irene Schwein found herself scrambling to explain the trove of sex toys unearthed by her parents during their visit to…
NEW YORK — A team of researchers at Fordham University discovered that “we run this city” is the most common phrase said by affluent, slightly…
DENVER — Local Real Estate Agent and mother of four, Sharon Smithson, struggled to find the proper emotions at the unveiling of her youngest son’s…
HOUSTON — Local punk Colin “Colonic” Birch continues to refer to his parents’ guest house, a two-bedroom A-frame with pool access where he has lived…