WASHINGTON — The United States Supreme Court reportedly began adding “no worries if not” at the end of all rulings President Donald Trump could potentially…
NEW YORK — President Donald Trump’s sons Eric and Don Jr. announced a new Trump Mobile cellular phone service that will feature a new phone…
NEW YORK — Columbia University agreed to re-hire several prominent phrenologists in a bid to quell President Trump’s threat of federal budget cuts, confirmed sources.…
PHILADELPHIA — Local 39-year-old Dwight Jenkins went on a series of tirades decrying “Gen Z’s endless string of luck” and is a little jealous that…
LOS ANGELES — A leaked memo from high-ranking law enforcement officials encouraged officers on the street tasked with confronting protesters to “Picture them as your…
NEW YORK — President Donald Trump vowed to bring sweatshops back to the US by reverting chic loft apartments, confirmed uneasy sources. “We’re going to…
WASHINGTON — The nation’s fans of progressive metal band Dream Theater stormed the Capitol after the price of Real Dolls, a brand of life-size sex…
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance can barely conceal his excitement at the prospect of getting “Two whole Christmases!” this year in light of the…
NEWARK, Ohio — Local man John Regan went on a 20-minute tirade about gasoline prices while live streaming from his F150 pickup truck with the…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Despite existing only as a series of crudely sketched plans on cocktail napkins and one AI-generated image architects have described as…
WASHINGTON — Kid Rock capped off his concert at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts with a cover of Woody Guthrie’s “This…
KENT, Ohio — President Donald Trump announced he’d be awarding the Medal of Honor to those brave National Guardsmen who shot and killed defenseless students…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced plans to cut much needed mental health funds for America’s clown posses, confirmed dope-ass sources. “They’ve been stealing our…
WASHINGTON — Democratic leaders praised their own strategy of placing “gate” at the end of Trump-led Republican crimes in the effort for something, possibly anything,…
TORONTO — Canadian rock band Barenaked Ladies responded to U.S. President Donald Trump’s sweeping tariffs on their country by threatening to release another single, horrified…