“Trailer Park Boys” is a cultural classic in Canada. Zany antics, good dope, and holy fuck the boys. A motley crew of colorful, degenerate characters and physical humor that gives your lungs a workout with every watch.
It is also a potent examination of a class of society normally played for laughs, humanizing a group of people who normally exist as a punchline. It even included some solid hits for LBGTQ representation with Randy Bobandy and Jim Lahey, back when “Will and Grace” was the most mainstream depiction of gay men. There was also a strong sense of class unity among these characters, all from different walks of life uniting at times despite their differences for the sake of their community (just like punks).
So in honor of this groundbreaking show (mockumentary in the early 2000s, suck it “The Office”), we have gone and ranked every prominent character on the show based on how much they care for their class (or the park as a whole).
30. Officer George Green
Coming in dead last is the dumbest cop on the force. This man is the epitome of a class traitor, happily turning down the opportunity to help his community while being the face of law enforcement incompetence in the show. ACAB.
29. Bernie Sanford
Head of the International Association of Trailer Park Supervisors and Assistant Trailer Park Supervisors, Bernie Sanford represents the meeting point of Capital and the State Monopoly on violence via the right hook, Bernie is a man of profits above people, even raining on the legendary wrestling match between Ricky and the Green Bastard (Parts Unknown), destroying community spirit. No candy for you Bernie.
28. Tom Collins
This man got educated, and instead of using his big fancy school learning to raise the living standards of everyone in the park, he bought himself a Camaro. Ca-Mar-O, serving as an attempt to elevate him above his community and family with this shallow status symbol. Just homemade fuck offs.
27. Barbara Lahey
A nepo baby who holds open contempt for every member of her community, she even found a way to co-opt the sacred institution of polyamory into her abuse of power with her relationship with Randy and Lahey. All while still taking advantage of the lower prices of trailer living, and its perks. Piss off Barb, your scalloped potatoes are fucked.
26. Cyrus
This heavy metal dick cares not for his fellow human, holding up the park in the pilot, steering his Corvette as he sees fit, making him both a wild card and a threat to the park as a whole. That leather jacket ain’t fooling anyone you poser hack, and your trigger discipline is dangerous to all around you. Go back to the trees with Sam, you ain’t done evolving yet you dummy. Now Fuck off we got work to do.
25. Private Dancer
Not only is he the face of the military-industrial complex and the only human capable of matching Jim Lahey in terms of liquor consumption, shot for shot, but also a perfect waste of a good stripper name on such a nincompoop. The shit icing on the cake comes in the form of trying to bulldoze the park with a tank, and displacing marginalized people to even worse situations is no bueno for your fellow park dwellers.
24. Candy
Lackey to a Lahey, Candy served as muscle for Barb in the ill-fated season 10, exercising violence on behalf of a capitalist overlord. A player hater all around who dresses punker than she actually is. Serving those in power for your own gain is most certainly not just shitty behavior, but adopting cultural dress without understanding its origins is the dictionary definition of cultural appropriation. Don’t be a henchman, stand on your laurels.
23. Conky
Oh you bet that cocksucker hates his fellow park residents, but not out of malice to the lower classes, just simply as a manifestation of brooding resentment buried deep in Bubbles’ subconsciousness, being what is referred to as a hater. But if we could direct his hate towards the ruling class, and turn him to our side, he could be a powerful ally. STOOPID!
22. Erica
Julian’s one-time cop girlfriend, Erica at least made an attempt to understand the root cause of crime by befriending the boys and attempting to find the source of their criminality. Unfortunately, she ended up arresting her then-lover and his best friend in the least erotic scenario involving handcuffs imaginable, proving that despite any posturing to the contrary, ACAB.
21. Terry and Dennis
The first dynamic duo on this list, at first the Flappy brothers were introduced offering business opportunities to some recently released ex-convicts, by way of a brick of hash. But then they had to go and spoil it by collaborating with the most selfish characters in the show, while living off the spoils of others as drug dealers who live with their grandma, so their loyalty starts and ends at the robes.
20. Bottle Kids
Agents of youthful aggression and agents of the shitwinds, they rain glass hellfire on any and everyone in their vicinity, causing a communal shitstorm for all, so at least they have a good comprehension of direct action. Let’s bet $20 to say that they could harness that youthful energy towards more constructive causes if they start reading books like Julian.
19. Lucy
The compassionate mother to Trinity, and on again off again flame to Ricky and almost everyone in the park, she knows the value of community involvement. But let’s not forget that she would have happily sold out everyone in the park for George Green. Do no banging behind the muffler shop.
18. Corey and Trevor
Corey and Trevor are the type of guys who will sell out to the highest bidder, but generally have a decent sense of morality while being not much more intelligent than a house cat or dog, so you really can’t blame them for following their master. Ironic since both Corey Bowles and Michael Jackson (Canadian Actor) both quit the show over a pay dispute. Regardless, smokes, let’s go.
17. Jacob Collins
The once store clerk turned park resident and replacement Trevor, Jacob has more brain cells than Corey and Trevor put together, rendering him able for whatever endeavor comes his way. And he later bornts Ricky’s grandson via his cock, caring for the next generation with or without financial compensation. Not bad for a former meat dick.
16. Sam Losco
When he’s not brushing his big ole cave teeth with a log, he’s soliciting political support with homemade hot dogs or stitching up gunshot wounds of criminals for some extra cash, guaranteeing that they won’t be arrested. A soldier of cave fortune if you ever knew one, he’s no ally, but if you’re in a pinch, return to monkey with this cave troll.
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