My Chemical Romance proved to the world just how far an oversexed MySpace profile could take you in this world. Sex it up right and you’ll play shows sold out stadiums, look cool in a marching band uniform and have access to all of the eyeliner you could ever possibly eat. MCR did what we all should have been focusing on while instead, we curated our Top 8. Here’s our definitive ranking of every My Chemical Romance album.

4. I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love (2002)

Let’s just get this one out of the way awhile. “I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love” is a fine album. For a first record it is quite strong and all the other things you’re supposed to say about a good band that’s still developing. My only real complaint… it smells. Like the actual CD that I had as a kid, it was stinky. I don’t know what the hell that was about and MCR, if you’re reading this (yeah, you’re reading this), I’m glad you were able to avoid that literal disc stench for future releases. Christ, that CD really did smell like Jersey.

 

Play on repeat: “Skylines and Turnstiles”
Skip it: “Our Lady of Sorrows”

3. Danger Days: True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (2010)

What is it with really successful punk bands that feel they need to change up their image or style and so they do and it works really well and then for the next thing they do after that they pretty much do the same fucking shtick over again. I get that growth is hard but c’mon! Wasn’t this exactly what you were just trying to avoid? Probably the dumbest part is that we all buy into it all the same. Like we have some sort of cultural amnesia that just takes us over and we stand, dumbfounded with mouth agape just ready to be fed whatever the next compliance-induced morsel the producers decided to drop down on us. Anyways, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, “Killjoys” is pretty good.

Play on repeat: “Bulletproof Heart”
Skip it: “DESTROYA”

2. Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge (2004)

“Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge” sounds the way riding the bus in middle school feels, but in a good way. This album is the equivalent of finally being cool enough to sit all the way in the back row where the bus driver can’t see you and getting to do some over-the-clothes hand stuff with the grade-up girl who is way too hot for you. Hooray for public school negligence!

Play on repeat: “Thank You For the Venom”
Skip it: “Interlude”

 

1. The Black Parade (2006)

Once in a generation an album comes around that completely redefines our cultural appreciation of music. For the life of me I have no idea what that record would be for 2000s emo kids, but “The Black Parade” kicks a whole lot of ass so screw it, let’s say this is it.
I don’t know what to compare it to, so let me take another big swing and say, uh, “Freewheelin’.” There you go. “The Black Parade” is “Freewheelin’” for a smattering of baggy Hot Topic pants clad millennials.

You know what, I don’t actually hate that analogy.

 

Play on repeat: “Welcome To the Black Parade”
Skip it: Do I really have to pick something to skip? I do? Fuck. Fine, I guess “Disenchanted” doesn’t kick that much ass. Nah, it actually does. Whatever, I’m done now.

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