Look–I know Ghost is bad. They make pretty bog-standard hard rock, performed by cosplay Satanists, with lyrics that only the edgiest of teenagers find subversive. I know all this. But god damn, can’t a girl have a little fun with some softcore metal and sing about human sacrifice like the good old days now and then? This shit is fun. It’s stupid, silly, overproduced, and an unbelievably fucking good time to listen to.

With that being said, Ghost fans are good for hate clicks, so here’s the official ranking of every Ghost album by someone who is into them against her better judgment.

Housekeeping note, I’ll be doing the deluxe editions of “Meliora” and “Infestissumam,” as those contain the “Popestar” and “If You Have Ghost” EPs.

Honorable Mention: Seven Inches of Satanic Panic (2019)

It would be remiss of me not to give a nod to the 2019 single that launched Ghost into the hearts of young people on TikTok everywhere. The A-Side of “Mary on a Cross,” a decidedly ’60s sounding double-entendre-fest, is their most-played song on Spotify, and you can tell why. Shit’s catchy and very accessible to fans who may be turned off by their songs that lean closer to metal than standard rock.

5. Infestissumam (2013)

“Infesstissumam” has the unfortunate honor of winning the “Ghost Album with the Most Tracks that Sound Like an Evil Carnival” award. This album is pretty long as it contains an EP in the deluxe version, and although it has one of their most viral hits with “Year Zero,” the rest falls pretty damn flat into a mess of samey-sounding spooky-scary, without the sick riffs to back it up.

Play it again: “Year Zero”
Skip it: “Idolatrine”

4. Opus Eponymous (2010)

Ghost’s debut album “Opus Eponymous” is a pretty great album overall. It’s quick, consistent, and brought them roaring into the spotlight when “Ritual” started getting banned from the radio in the southern US, which is strange. Usually people in the south are so tolerant and open to new ideas. Despite all that, some folks find this album to be lacking in production quality, and the songwriting is not quite as elaborate as later albums, which leads to many tracks blending together.

Play it again: “Ritual”
Skip it: “Death Knell”

3. Impera (2022)

On the other end of the spectrum entirely, we have Ghost’s 2022 chart crusher. It’s tough to deny that “Impera” is a bit over the top. It’s got a certain Black Parade quality to it that hits the nostalgic theater kid button, but at the end of the day, it’s a very large and dramatic album that sometimes leans towards the aforementioned overproduction. However, there are really some bonafide ’80s hair metal bangers on there, which balance out the insane Danny Elfman Haunted Hayride energy that a few of the lesser tracks bring.

Play it again: “Spillways”
Skip it: “Twenties”

2. Prequelle (2018)

“Prequelle” is probably Ghost’s most straightforward album. It’s big, it’s loud, it has some kooky instrumentation, and yet, there are very few weak spots that come to mind. The combination of fuzzy hard rock riffs, stacked vocal harmonies, and hooks so catchy they were probably made in a K-Pop lab works to make this album solid as a rock and extremely fun to sing along to in the car when your cooler friends aren’t around.

Play it again: “Rats,” “Faith”
Skip it: “Helvetesfonster”

1. Meliora

Man, this shit goes hard. You’ve got your retro ’70s hard rock fist-pumpers, your fake gospel ballads, some Scooby-Doo sounding shit, actual genuine metal, and of course, “Square Hammer.” There’s something for everyone on this record. “Meliora” has multiple songs with over 100 million plays on Spotify, and honestly, it deserves that honor. This is an endlessly replayable album, buffed up by the inclusion of the “Popestar” EP, that really reminds me of finding music like this as a teen and clinging to the CD for dear life. It fucking rips.