Trump Suddenly Doesn’t Want To Make a Big Deal About Someone’s Emails
WASHINGTON — In light of recently released emails between Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell that mention Donald Trump by name, in what some are calling a reversal of past policy, Trump has posted several rants on social media, all…
ChatGPT’s Ability to Write Cogent Email Really Impressive to Fucking Idiot
LOS ANGELES — Well-known idiot Donald Robertson was beside himself with amazement when ChatGPT was able to produce an unexceptional but coherent work email, sources… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Is It Time To Make an Incongruous, Hyper Specific Style of Hat an Essential Part of Your Personality?
At The Hard Times, we’re constantly confronting the existential quandaries that come with aging. Perhaps you, too, have resorted to extreme options in an attempt… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Punk GPS Says You’re Approximately Five Cigarettes From Your Destination
JUPITER, Fla. — A new feature in your vehicle’s GPS now measures distance in the time it would take you to smoke a cigarette, confirmed… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Entire Town Killed After Installation of Roundabout
GRAND JUNCTION, Colo. — The entire population of nearby Mesa Springs was killed after a roundabout was installed in their town, unsurprised sources report. “I’ve… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
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Music
Tyler, the Creator Locked in Eternal Cosmic Struggle with Tyler, the Destroyer
LOS ANGELES — Musician Tyler, the Creator’s struggle with rival cosmic entity Tyler, the Destroyer is projected to reign eternal, metaphysical sources report. “There can only ever be one true me,” claimed Tyler, the Creator. “But when the mystical opposite…
Black Metal Vocalist Moonlighting as Face Painter “Ruins” Elementary School’s Play Day
BALTIMORE — Black metal vocalist Ben “Plaguebearer” Rockwood wreaked havoc during Wincrest Elementary’s recent Play…
Attractive Woman on Subway Probably Just Waiting Until the Right Moment to Compliment Your Gorguts Shirt
BOSTON — An attractive woman seated across from you on the subway was probably just…
Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat Awarded Nobel Prize in Physics for Their Groundbreaking Work In How Opposites Attract
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Iconic ‘80s pop duo Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat were awarded…
Goldfinger Lead Singer Clarifies Superman He's Trying to Be is Not the Dean Cain Version
LOS ANGELES — Goldfinger frontman John Feldmann took to Instagram to clarify the band’s seminal…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…