Heritage Foundation Unveils Project 2026 Valentine’s Day Cards for Child Brides
WASHINGTON — Far right think tank the Heritage Foundation announced part of its Project 2026 family initiatives, unveiling a massive collection of Valentines Day greeting cards for child brides, the retailers have confirmed. “We believe…
JD Vance Accidentally Gives Wife Valentine Addressed to Couch
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance mistakenly gifted his wife Usha Vance a Valentine’s Day card that was meant for his living room couch, confirmed… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
We Look Back on the “Armageddon” Soundtrack Because, Look, We Don’t Have To Justify Ourselves to You, Ok?
Turning Point USA to Air Alternative Super Bowl Where Patriots Win
SANTA CLARA, Calif. — Conservative organization Turning Point USA will air an alternative Super Bowl that will give victory to the New England Patriots, confirmed… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
In Response to Trump’s Tasteless Meme, We Put His Face on the Body of a Known Rapist and Pedophile
It’s a sad state of affairs that we’ve all just gotten used to childish, wildly inappropriate behavior from our own president. He shares AI slop,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
JD Vance Accidentally Gives Wife Valentine Addressed to Couch
Tom Waits Insists Royalty Checks Be Delivered by Raven Wearing Top Hat
SONOMA COUNTY, Calif. — Eccentric singer Tom Waits demanded all correspondence be brought to him in increasingly unorthodox ways, frustrated couriers confirm. “The record company… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Music
Black Metal Musician Pledges Soul to Jesus Christ To Get Better at Guitar
PORTLAND, Ore. — Black metal guitarist Caleb “Grimfeast” Rajdkowski pledged his eternal soul to Jesus Christ in a bargain to get better at his instrument, sources report. “I consider Jesus Christ to be my mortal enemy,” Rajdkowski said. “However, I…
Steven Tyler Accidentally Cast in ‘The Muppet Show’ Revival
LOS ANGELES — Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler is surprised that he is included in the…
Mosh Pit Resolves Man's Issues Quicker than Previous Six Years of Therapy
TOMS RIVER, N.J. — Local punk Harrison Williams found himself experiencing a new sense of…
Tom Waits Insists Royalty Checks Be Delivered by Raven Wearing Top Hat
SONOMA COUNTY, Calif. — Eccentric singer Tom Waits demanded all correspondence be brought to him…
Nation’s Deadbeat Dads Demand Some Sort of Summer Fest Featuring Cinderella, Damn Yankees
SAN FRANCISCO — Deadbeat dads across the nation demanded some sort of summer music festival…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…