CHICAGO — Morrissey fan Elspeth Carter tucked a pair of earplugs into her jacket last night in prep for his upcoming concert, to protect herself…
It’s a familiar story: a band releases a beloved first album to wide acclaim and then the critics pan the follow up. When Weezer followed…
Cats! The grist for the internet content mill, the furry little fucks that keep you up at night with their yowling and lovemaking. There’s nothing…
THE INTERNET — A Facebook friend of yours, whom you vaguely recall from high school, couldn’t be more excited to share an exciting, not-at-all predatory…
BOULDER, Colo. — Scientists at the University of Colorado have confirmed that marijuana severely impairs the ability to grasp tasteful interior decoration, according to a…
Whitewashing. Cookie-cutter protagonist. A happy ending so out of touch with reality you can actually sleep at night. Sound familiar? I just described every major…
SEATTLE — Online retail behemoth Amazon will roll out their new “Glory Hole” home subscription service this month in select U.S. cities, representatives confirmed. “Customers…
PHILADELPHIA — Local dog Scraps was completely unable to answer basic trivia questions yesterday about the seminal horror-punk band Misfits, despite wearing the band’s merchandise…
There is no denying it: The current state of affairs is grim. The nation is in the hands of a senile, selfish madman and we…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Bobby “Fingers” Randall, lead guitarist for The Horny Wombats, acquired a PowerTone WRV-189 Digital Wireless System last week, enabling him to…
My name is Bert Wilson and I have a message for NFL commissioner Roger Goodell: put an end to all end zone celebrations. If they…
MARLBORO, N.J. — Siblings Liam and Jenna Fry were stunned last night to find that their father’s old band, A Jet Black Static, still had…
BOSTON — Local music patron Claras Deacon called the Boston Police Department last night to report an out-of-place backpack repeatedly smashing into her face and…
NEW YORK — Marshal Everly, the frontman of local folk-punk quartet The Lagers, introduced the members of his band to the audience during their set…
MENDOCINO, Calif. — Devout disciples of Jerry Garcia have begun a gradual, reluctant transition from worshipping the original Grateful Dead band leader to following his…