In Response to Trump’s Tasteless Meme, We Put His Face on the Body of a Known Rapist and Pedophile
It’s a sad state of affairs that we’ve all just gotten used to childish, wildly inappropriate behavior from our own president. He shares AI slop, calls reporters pigs, says a million things a day that undermine the dignity of the office, an…
Ice Agent Tries to Deport His Doctor During Open Heart Surgery
MINNEAPOLIS — An ICE agent being treated at Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis recently attempted to deport the doctor performing his open heart surgery, confirmed… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Opinion: I’m Not Bad at Remembering Names, You’re Bad at Being Memorable
Report: Crowd Surfer Hard
BALTIMORE — A crowd surfer during a Cannibal Corpse show at Soundstage weirded out other concert attendees with his fully engorged penis, shuddering sources confirm…. <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
The Next Clark Kent/Superman? We’ve Never Seen Ice and the Proud Boys at the Same Place at the Same Time
Look, I’m no detective. I lack the intelligence, training, qualifications, and decency to perform such a job — much like an ICE agent — I’m… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Kristi Noem Announces Alternative Puppy Bowl
Alice in Chains Album Buried in Pet Sematary Emerges as Godsmack Album
LUDLOW, Maine — A copy of Alice in Chains’ 1992 LP “Dirt” buried in the Mi’kmaq grounds behind Ludlow’s famed Pet Sematary emerged as a… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Music
Report: Crowd Surfer Hard
BALTIMORE — A crowd surfer during a Cannibal Corpse show at Soundstage weirded out other concert attendees with his fully engorged penis, shuddering sources confirm. “Those in the crowd are noting that this individual was completely erect during multiple stage…
Metal Band Debating Whether They Should Completely Fucking Ruin Their Music by Adding a Keyboardist
EUGENE, Ore. — Up-and-coming metal band Enrager found themselves considering whether they should completely fucking…
Ticketmaster Adds Extra Charge if Artists Play Their Hits
LOS ANGELES — Ticketmaster announced a new policy where they will charge customers an extra…
Fog Machine Successfully Obscures Bassist
BANGOR, Maine — Members of death metal band Rhino Sphincter expressed relief that the fog…
Alice in Chains Album Buried in Pet Sematary Emerges as Godsmack Album
LUDLOW, Maine — A copy of Alice in Chains’ 1992 LP “Dirt” buried in the…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…