Mark Zuckerberg Hoping Nobody Notices His Latest Metaverse Demonstration Just a Dire Straits Music Video
PALO ALTO, Calif. — American multinational technology company Meta’s chairman and chief executive officer Mark Zuckerberg found himself hoping that nobody noticed his latest Metaverse demonstration was just the 1985 music video for “Money f…
Plot Twist: Shirtless, Jacked Mitch McConnell Emerges From Seclusion “Ready To Fuck”
WASHINGTON — In a stunning upset to rumors that he was dying, if not already dead, Senator Mitch McConnell appeared in public today sporting an… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Man Who Lived Fast, Died Young Leaves Surprisingly Ugly Corpse
We Should’ve Listened: Five Times VH1’s “Pop-up Video” Tried To Warn Us About 9/11
The original iteration of VH1’s “Pop-Up Video” ran from 1996 to 2002 and featured popular music videos with interesting bits of trivia intermittently shown on… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Donald Trump Accuses China of Shitting His Pants
WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump has accused China of shitting his pants in addition to interfering in the 2020 presidential election, repulsed sources report. “After… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Heart Reveal They Were Challenged To Name Five of Their Own Songs Before Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction
Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Music
Aging Scorpions Singer Now Only Able To Rock You Like a Severe Tropical Storm
HANOVER, Germany — Klaus Meine, longtime frontman of the popular hard rock band Scorpions, announced that he is now only able to rock you like a severe tropical storm, distressed sources confirm. “I’m getting along in years, and a severe…
Metallica Finally Track Down and Sue the Bootlegger Who Sold Beavis His Shirt
LOS ANGELES — Heavy metal band Metallica proudly announced that they have finally tracked down…
Woman on Boyfriend’s Shoulders Really Fucking Everyone Up in Pit
MODESTO, Calif. — A local woman on her boyfriend’s shoulders was really wreaking havoc in…
Buckcherry Merch Guy Thinks He Might’ve Found a Shirt Without Any Scabies on It if You’re Still Interested
WEST FARGO, N.D. — Roger Heasley, the merch guy for rock band Buckcherry, wants you…
Hardcore Version of ‘Surrounded’ Features One Henry Rollins vs. 20 Henry Rollins
NASHVILLE — Henry Rollins will square off with 20 Henry Rollins in the next episode…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…