Donald Trump To Rename New Mexico ‘State America’
WASHINGTON — In the latest move of his tireless patriotic renaming crusade, President Donald Trump announced this morning that the State of New Mexico will henceforth be known as “State America.” “State America. It’s big! It’s a bi…
Mix-up Sends Peter Cullen to Planet Transsexual and Tim Curry to Cybertron
THE AFTERLIFE — In what has been described as an administrative error of celestial proportions, the Grim Reaper has erroneously sent deceased Optimus Prime voice… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Nation’s LGBTQ+ Community Forms Protective Circle Around Liza Minnelli and Cher
Tim Curry Was the Greatest Actor I’ve Ever Worked With, and His Role in Rocky Horror Helped Me Realize I Was Pansexual – Guest Post by Gonzo
Hello out there, folks, it’s me, your friendly neighborhood, uh, whatever the hell I am, Gonzo. It’s been one heck of a week, hasn’t it,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Men’s Wearhouse Suit Comes With New Interpol Album Pre-Loaded
HOUSTON — Just days after announcing it would ramp up efforts to not go bankrupt again, Men’s Wearhouse unveiled its sole Fall 2026 piece, a… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
‘Abbey Road’ Biographer Reveals Paul Made Everyone Use the Crosswalk
Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Music
Dad Getting Sick of Son Asking Him to Check Under His Bed for Steven Tyler
BOSTON — Local father Hank Lindemuler is growing tired of his son Simon Lindemuler asking him to check under the bed for any sign of Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, confirmed sources. “He’s eight years old now. Time for him to…
Robert Plant Admits Hair Is Noodles
SHATTERFORD, England — Led Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant finally made a statement admitting that his…
Shrinkflation on the Rise: Ticket Now Only Gets You One Duran
LOS ANGELES — The same ticket that used to get fans into a Duran Duran…
MAGA Rapper Earns Street Cred After Snitching to the Cops
TAMPA, Fla. — MAGA rapper Dyson Red found himself earning street cred from his peers…
Audiophile Gets Hepatitis C From Dirty Vinyl Needle
BALTIMORE — A health and musical disaster occurred today as a man contracted hepatitis C…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…