AUSTIN, Texas. — Local punk Rachel Ronson inadvertently removed both of her legs just below the knee last night while cutting her pair of black…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Lt. Dale Sherman was reportedly “completely bummed” to be on surveillance detail last weekend at the annual DIY, folk-punk Crust Fest, bemused…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A small, unorganized local collection of punks, transients, and drug addicts with minimal artistic ability and motivation keep referring to themselves as…
Sometimes an interview just gets thrown at you. We were recently at a cigar bar. We were checking out a live jazz band for a…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — A four-year-old golden retriever named Sadie is far and away the most productive member of local punk house, exasperated neighbors confirmed.…
PHILADELPHIA — Local woman Juliana Azzara passed the four hours waiting for her train last night by asking a man at a nearby dive bar…
INDIANAPOLIS — Recent college graduate Mark Robinson had a job interview yesterday he thought “went pretty well,” despite his inability to determine whether or not…
Americans spend $10.7 trillion dollars every year, and most of that is spent on sex probably. One visionary is looking to change that. There’s a…
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — Seminal crust punk band Leftöver Crack canceled their upcoming Midwestern tour today when drummer Donny Morris missed the freight train door…
My acquaintances’ girlfriends are all such sweet girls. I always give them the respect a lady deserves by being polite, including them in the conversation,…
AMHERST, Mass. — Local resident Minkont Cranford stunned his roommates yesterday with his acquisition of an oversized, bulky organ, discovered on the street for free…
DETROIT — Avid cannabis consumer Jake Sweeney exploded in rage today after finding a seed in his marijuana for the first time in over three…
LOS ANGELES — The International Committee for Problematic Favorites announced today that die-hard defenders of Morrissey have won the 2019 gold medal in mental gymnastics,…
NEW YORK — The highly anticipated Ramones “Word of the Day” calendar was released yesterday, which disappointed but unsurprised fans found repeats itself by mid-March…
LOS ANGELES — The artificial intelligence algorithm behind LANDR’s audio mastering service yesterday remastered all songs it received into Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping,” according to mildly peeved…