GWAR Cannot Fucking Believe They Actually Get To Meet Alanis Morissette at Riot Fest
CHICAGO — Legendary scumdogs of the universe GWAR are brimming with excitement to finally meet their favorite human/musician, Alanis Morissette, when both acts take the stage at Riot Fest this September, sources close to barbaric interplane…
Opinion: AI Will Never Replace Deez Nuts
Every morning when I look at my phone, I am forced to read another missive from tech overlords about the gleeful inevitability of AI putting… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Winner of Next ‘Survivor’ Season Gets To Stay on Island Away From America
Nation’s Bosses Announce Plans To Call You on Teams the Second You Sit Down To Take a Shit
DETROIT — The nation’s bosses have announced their plan to call you on collaboration platform Microsoft Teams the second you sit down on the toilet… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Wistful Tom Delonge Reflects on ‘Pahhseeng of Toime’
SAN DIEGO — Blink-182 co-founder and co-lead vocalist Tom Delonge was recently spotted at Balboa Park apparently overcome by a wave of nostalgia and reflecting… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Casino Throws Out Old Money at End of Day
Wait, What’s Wrong With These Ones? We Found Five Grunge Albums That Don’t Have a Baby Dick on the Cover
Grunge was a huge subgenre of alternative rock that sprang out of the Pacific Northwest in the mid-eighties before fizzling out of popularity about ten… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Music
Concert Sponsored by Spotify Lets Premium Ticket Holders Skip Songs They Don't Like
NEW YORK — Spotify debuted a live concert concept where premium ticket holders can skip the songs they don’t like, sources confirmed. “We’re taking the classic Spotify experience out of the digital and into this season’s hottest live shows. We’re…
Elvis Impersonator Disappointingly Dies in a Totally Normal Way
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Local Elvis impersonator James Britton reportedly passed away in a completely normal…
Fugazi Announce New Prank Call Album
ARLINGTON, Va. — Fugazi will end their decades-long hiatus with the release of a new…
Punk Tries Pickleball After Hearing It's Loud and Annoying
ARLINGTON, Va. — Local punk Troy Crouse expressed a sudden interest in trying pickleball after…
Centipede Becomes Highest Contributing Member of Punk House After Eating Termite
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — A centipede dwelling in the bathroom of a local punk house has…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…