Concert ASL Interpreter Does Jerk-Off Motion During Kid Rock’s Entire Set
HASTINGS, Mich. — Concert ASL interpreter Alyssa Morgan became an instant celebrity after wowing the crowd doing the jerk-off motion the entirety of Kid Rock’s set, venue employees have confirmed. “I take a lot of pride in helping remove…
We Look Back on the ‘Saved by the Bell’ Episode Where Zack and the Gang Help the Menendez Brothers Murder Their Parents
Pretty much everybody has seen at least one episode of ‘Saved by the Bell,’ the saccharine high school comedy in which a group of teens,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Man Who Lived Fast, Died Young Leaves Surprisingly Ugly Corpse
Adorable Dog Mayor of Small Town Approves Data Center
BARKLEY, Ore. — Residents gathered Tuesday evening outside Town Hall to protest Mayor Waffles, a five-year-old dog, after he approved a controversial 2.3 million-square-foot data… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Jared Leto Clarifies He’s Studying for His Next Role Where He Plays a Pedophile Named Jared Leto
A new documentary is alleging that actor-musician Jared Leto has engaged in a disturbing pattern of grooming and sexually assaulting teenage girls for over two… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Progressive Free-Spirited College Town Not Fucking Around When It Comes To Parking Enforcement
Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Music
Unbaptized Man Bursts Into Flames Upon Entering Creed Concert
ORANGE BEACH, Ala. — Creed fan Jerry Torrance suddenly burst into flames and died upon entering a Creed concert at the Wharf Amphitheater, surprised sources report. “I have no idea what happened,” sobbed Torrance’s friend Janet Milyard. “One minute Jerry…
Mark Zuckerberg Hoping Nobody Notices His Latest Metaverse Demonstration Just a Dire Straits Music Video
PALO ALTO, Calif. — American multinational technology company Meta’s chairman and chief executive officer Mark…
Festival-Goers Not Sure Whether Bluegrass Band From Appalachians or Brooklyn
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Local attendees at the Champlain Americana Festival struggled to determine whether bluegrass…
Aging Scorpions Singer Now Only Able To Rock You Like a Severe Tropical Storm
HANOVER, Germany — Klaus Meine, longtime frontman of the popular hard rock band Scorpions, announced…
Metallica Finally Track Down and Sue the Bootlegger Who Sold Beavis His Shirt
LOS ANGELES — Heavy metal band Metallica proudly announced that they have finally tracked down…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…