Most called us crazy when we initially came up with a plan to build an entire city based around an early 2000’s alternative metal genre.…
We Built This City on Nu Metal and Now Our Entire Public Works Budget Is Devoted to JNCOs and Salvia
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple released a surprising new report today, revealing that the average iPhone owner uses roughly half of their storage space to save…
Us rich and hot people receive so much love on a daily basis that we often forget practicing self-love is just as important, if not…
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Cabs, heads, and amplifiers of all kinds outnumbered attendees for a weeknight doom metal show last night at local bar Jimmy’s…
STAFFORD, Texas — 59-year-old custom bathroom tile salesman John Canales was shocked to learn from his punk son yesterday that he would be 413 in…
When you told me you’d never heard The Mountain Goats before I was over the moon. Finally, I got to give someone the gift of…
MINNEAPOLIS — First time poker player Ryan Feldman is absolutely cleaning out his friends in a game of Texas Hold ‘Em, though he’s not sure…
Youth is overrated. Young people look fucking weird, their voices are all high and annoying, and they’re dumb as hell. But goddamn, they can write…
KINGSTON, Jamaica — An ocean liner hosting the 311 Caribbean Festival Cruise struck a reef off the coast of Jamaica yesterday, spilling nearly 11 million…
TRENTON, N.J. — Part-time dad and full-time punk Cody Heckyls discovered yesterday, when seeking flu remedies for his two-year-old son, that Pedialyte offers a kid-friendly…
Hey, we just wanted you to know that we just finished reading “Confederacy Of Dunces.” I updated it to “Read” on my GoodReads account but…
FAIRHOPE, Ala. — A badly faded tattoo bearing a barbed wire design aided local investigators in identifying a recently deceased woman as “probably about 19-years-old…
An empath, as I explain to every single person I meet, is a person who is extraordinarily sensitive to the feelings of those around them.…
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. — Local punks and new parents Desi Stark and Darion Foster look forward to using their newborn baby Shea as the perfect…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local amateur musician Dean Shelby unknowingly wrote the music to a true crime podcast earlier this week as he casually tuned his…