We Catch up With Longtime Dave Matthews Band Bassist, What’s-His-Name
Dave Matthews Band has experienced a lot in its 35 years: the death of its saxophonist, LeRoi Moore, the departure of its violinist, Boyd Tinsley, and an unfortunate septic accident over Chicago’s Kinzie Street Bridge. But through it all, o…
The Next Morrissey? This Guy Cancels on Every Group Hang
Morrissey is one of the most divisive figures in entertainment. On one hand, a large portion of his work has been massively influential on indie… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
AI Enters Race for ‘Sexiest Person Alive’ Citing Data Centers So Hot They Literally Can Not Cool Down
Tiny Desk Concert Not Particularly Receptive to Tiny Circle Pit
WASHINGTON — An attempted tiny circle pit during a Tiny Desk Concert in NPR’s headquarters was not well-met by almost everyone in attendance, irritated sources… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Erika Kirk Takes Quiet Moment To Mourn With Only Six Confetti Cannons
PHOENIX, Ariz. — A somber Erika Kirk took a quiet, personal moment to mourn her late husband with only six confetti cannons, confirmed sources. “I… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Dio Hologram Already Refusing To Open for Upcoming Ozzy Hologram
Heroic ICE Agent Recovering in Hospital After Near-Fatal Jerk Sesh
MINNEAPOLIS — An ICE agent is reportedly resting comfortably in hospital and expected to make a full recovery after an intense and reportedly near-fatal masturbation… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Music
Scantily Clad, Greased up Beefcake Sick of People Thinking He’s in Manowar
AUBURN, N.Y. — Local greased up beefcake Roger Bornecki expressed his frustration at people’s continuous mistaking of him for a member of Manowar simply because he dresses like Conan the Barbarian and carries a sword everywhere, sources report. “This is…
Garage Band Blissfully Unaware These Are Best Acoustics They’ll Ever Have
OMAHA, Neb. — Local garage rock band the Wet Tongues are completely, perhaps even blissfully,…
Morgan Wallen Denies A.I. Used for New Song 'Country Music, Also Known as Country and Western or Simply Country, Is a Music Genre'
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Country superstar and mullet aficionado Morgan Wallen recently denied accusations that artificial…
Aging Rocker Caught Lip-Syncing Orgasm Noises
LAS VEGAS — Aging rock musician Dean John-Dean, vocalist for the 1970s one-hit wonder band…
Make-A-Wish Kid’s Request To Meet Queensrÿche’s Guitarist Clearly Influenced by Father
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — The Make-A-Wish request made by nine-year-old cancer patient Corey Sawyer to meet…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…