Year in Review: We Look Back on the Countless Atrocities of 2026
Well, 2026, it’s been quite the ride. Sure, we’re only eight days in, but I think we can all agree that now is the time for reflection and officially pinning all of our hopes on 2027. Join us for a look back at the appalling events of this …
Kristi Noem Has Already Condemned This Post, Which Criticizes ICE, as an Act of Domestic Terrorism
INTERNET — Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem has categorically condemned the publication of the article you are currently reading, which criticizes ICE over the… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
JD Vance Relieved To Learn Couch Unharmed After Home Vandalization
AITA for Lighting My Homemade Guy on Fire Because Teaching Him Stuff Was Getting Exhausting? — Guest Post by Victor Frankenstein
Okay, so I made a guy. Kind of like how God can make a guy, but I made mine at home out of scrap parts… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Erika Kirk Takes Quiet Moment To Mourn With Only Six Confetti Cannons
PHOENIX, Ariz. — A somber Erika Kirk took a quiet, personal moment to mourn her late husband with only six confetti cannons, confirmed sources. “I… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Trump Is Boasting About an Alleged Land Strike in Venezuela — Here’s Why He Is Still a Pedophile
Loudwire Ranks Mushroomhead Best Nu-Metal Band Named After the Tip of a Penis
WINDSOR, Colo. — Online media magazine Loudwire anointed Cleveland’s Mushroomhead as the best nu-metal band named after the tip of a penis, sources report. “We… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Music
Ian Mackaye Accused of Selling Out After Listing Old Mattress on Facebook Marketplace
WASHINGTON — Discord Records co-founder and legendary punk frontman Ian MacKaye is facing accusations of selling out after posting a 20-year-old mattress for sale on Facebook Marketplace, igniting a wave of outrage in the area’s tight-knit hardcore community. “I thought…
Loudwire Ranks Mushroomhead Best Nu-Metal Band Named After the Tip of a Penis
WINDSOR, Colo. — Online media magazine Loudwire anointed Cleveland’s Mushroomhead as the best nu-metal band…
Everyone at Coffee Shop Falls for Each Other After 'Fade Into You' Plays
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Patrons at a local coffee shop reportedly became infatuated with one another…
Aging Goregrind Band Now Just Taking Lyrical Inspiration From the Changes Naturally Occurring in Their Own Bodies
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Goregrind band Masticated Genitalia found themselves deriving inspiration from transformations they…
Punk Hibachi Chef Throws Cigarette Butts Into Patrons Mouths
BOSTON — Local punk hibachi chef Joey “Skunk” Robins reportedly hucks cigarette butts into the…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…