Aging Punk Woman Solemnly Vows to Reject the Siren’s Call of Rockabilly
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Nearly 40-year-old punk woman Allie Gerard recently made a solemn vow to resist the urge to become rockabilly, sources close to the matter report. “I see it happen every single day. Women my age slowly realizing that m…
Brave! Man Struggles To Sing Both Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell Parts of “Hunger Strike”
Seattle may have been the grunge capital of the world back in the ‘90s, but this Tuesday morning, Rockford, Illinois resident Carl Prather will be… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
How To Determine Your Self-Worth by Checking How Many of Your Instagram Friends Are Tied to Semi-Well-Known Public Figures
Experts Say Newly Discovered French Cave Etching Is Likely the First Known Ragebait
BORDEAUX, France — Archaeologists at Les Cavernes de la Haute-Vézère discovered what experts believe may be the first known example of ragebait in human history,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
William H. Macy Insists Way More People Would Have Died on 9/11 if He Had Been on That Plane
LOS ANGELES — Actor William H. Macy insisted that, unlike his “Boogie Nights” costar Mark Wahlberg, had he been aboard one of the hijacked planes… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Man Breaks World Record for Most Failed Attempts at ‘The Artist’s Way’
Warped Tour Releases 2026 Lineup With Redacted Names To Protect Victims
LONG BEACH, Calif. — The eagerly anticipated 2026 lineup for Warped Tour was released with a number of the band names redacted to protect victims,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Music
Incel Guitarist Doesn’t Believe G Chord Exists
GALLATIN, Tenn. — Local 23-year-old guitarist Brandon Hanish stunned his bandmates this week when he announced, unprompted, that he does not believe the G chord exists, calling it a, “widely debunked myth invented by female musicians to make men feel…
Warped Tour Releases 2026 Lineup With Redacted Names To Protect Victims
LONG BEACH, Calif. — The eagerly anticipated 2026 lineup for Warped Tour was released with…
Metal Band Forces Guitarist to Decide Between Them or His Career at Medieval Times
ORLANDO, Fla. — Local metal band Grave Mistake issued an ultimatum Tuesday after their lead…
Summer Festival Lineups Announced as if Society Will Still Be Functioning in Five Months
LOS ANGELES — Event coordinators have continued to announce and actively promote the lineups for…
Crust Punk Claims Pubic Lice as Dependents
PITTSBURGH — Crust punk Hugh McVeely attempted to claim his pubic lice as dependents while…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…