Your Hand Would Look Beat up Too if You Peeled a Whole Orange All by Yourself – Guest Post by Donald Trump
Well, the Democrat-communist-terrorist spin machine is at it again, the ANTIFAs… they're saying now “Oh, look at the bruise on his hand, he must be DYING!” Isn’t that ridiculous, “His hand has a bruise, his health must be failing!” You kn…
Chick-fil-A to Source All Meat From Humanely Crucified Chickens by 2029
COLLEGE PARK, Ga. — Christian fast food chain restaurant Chick-fil-A announced its intent to have all of its meat sourced from humanely crucified chickens by… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Mom Brings Salad Spinner in for 30,000 Spin Tune-up
New Welfare Stipulation Requires Recipients to Promise Not to Enjoy Purchased Goods
FRESNO, Calif. — A new welfare stipulation requires recipients to pledge that they will not enjoy any purchased goods from using the benefits, confirmed local… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Panicked Ben Shapiro Puts Wet Wife into Big Bag of Rice
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Conservative political commentator Ben Shapiro rushed to dry out his wife after she told him of her condition, according to sources… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Man Finally Rich and Successful Enough To Accept Internship
Trump To Deliver “I Have an Even Better Dream, Possibly the Best Dream” Speech
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump is preparing to deliver a speech entitled, “I Have an Even Better Dream, Possibly the Best Dream” at the National… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Music
Tiny Desk Concert Not Particularly Receptive to Tiny Circle Pit
WASHINGTON — An attempted tiny circle pit during a Tiny Desk Concert in NPR’s headquarters was not well-met by almost everyone in attendance, irritated sources report. “I must’ve ended up at the wrong venue, because I thought this was a…
Kid Rock Fan Misses Custody Hearing Due To Bail Hearing
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Jimmy Fetsar missed a child custody hearing because he was at a…
Scantily Clad, Greased up Beefcake Sick of People Thinking He’s in Manowar
AUBURN, N.Y. — Local greased up beefcake Roger Bornecki expressed his frustration at people’s continuous…
Garage Band Blissfully Unaware These Are Best Acoustics They’ll Ever Have
OMAHA, Neb. — Local garage rock band the Wet Tongues are completely, perhaps even blissfully,…
Morgan Wallen Denies A.I. Used for New Song 'Country Music, Also Known as Country and Western or Simply Country, Is a Music Genre'
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Country superstar and mullet aficionado Morgan Wallen recently denied accusations that artificial…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…