Trump Switches Podcast Appearance to Theo von, Leaving Joe Rogan Vulnerable to Iran Attack
AUSTIN, Texas — President Trump confirmed that he secretly abandoned a scheduled appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience due to an Iranian death threat, instead appearing last minute on Theo Von’s This Past Weekend. “It was the Secret Ser…
Karoline Leavitt Says She’ll Still Defend Pedophiles on Pro Bono Basis After Exiting White House
WASHINGTON — Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt is leaving her position as one of the nation’s top pedophile defenders but will continue to protect abusers in… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
The Next Dave Grohl? This Guy Was in a Band and Now He’s in Another One
I’m Tired of Being Told I Don’t Pay Rent When I Provide Free Therapy to Four Losers with Underdeveloped Frontal Lobes — Guest Column by a House Cat
I’m the housecat in a two-bedroom shared by four 23-year-old numbskulls, and I’m here to tell my story. I am sick and tired of being… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Jared Leto Clarifies He’s Studying for His Next Role Where He Plays a Pedophile Named Jared Leto
A new documentary is alleging that actor-musician Jared Leto has engaged in a disturbing pattern of grooming and sexually assaulting teenage girls for over two… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Progressive Free-Spirited College Town Not Fucking Around When It Comes To Parking Enforcement
Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Music
Audiophile Gets Hepatitis C From Dirty Vinyl Needle
BALTIMORE — A health and musical disaster occurred today as a man contracted hepatitis C from a dirty vinyl needle, confirmed sources. “I just wanted to listen to my commemorative vinyl of the podcast ‘Comedy Bang Bang,’” said audiophile and…
Taking Back Sunday To Play Special ‘2003 AIM Away Message’ Setlist at Riot Fest
AMITYVILLE, N.Y. — Rock band Taking Back Sunday announced their plans to play a special…
Descendents Appeal To Aging Fanbase With New Song ‘Milo Goes to Bed Before 10’
LOS ANGELES — Descendents fans lucky enough to attend the band’s recent show at the…
Concert ASL Interpreter Does Jerk-Off Motion During Kid Rock’s Entire Set
HASTINGS, Mich. — Concert ASL interpreter Alyssa Morgan became an instant celebrity after wowing the…
Two-Armed Drummer in Def Leppard Tribute Band Clearly Hasn’t Committed to the Bit
MONTCLAIR, N.J. — Craig Towney, the two-armed drummer for Def Leppard tribute band Sugarpourers, clearly…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…