DENVER — Local jam band connoisseur Trent Gordon recently found himself in the position of defending his musical tastes, confirmed sources.
“Listen, I can’t help that I like jam bands. I got hooked on them in high school and haven’t been able to shake them since,” Gordon said. “Frankly, I’m a little tired of having to defend myself. I’m not some dirty, patchouli-scented hippie. You can’t deny my indie cred. I’m entirely capable of supplementing Phish, Widespread, and Umphrey’s with music that has more classic appeal. Sure, for some reason I can’t think of any off the top of my head at the moment, but I swear they’re entirely within my wheelhouse. I’ve dabbled in all of it.”
Gordon’s friends found themselves questioning his status within the group due to his jam proclivities.
“Our group likes to keep an open mind, but it’s starting to get old fast,” said friend Steve Hunt. “Trent’s played me a few jams that I haven’t entirely hated. He’s even taken me to a Goose show that I maybe would have still enjoyed even if I hadn’t been on an impressive cocktail of psychedelic drugs. He also got me into King Gizzard. I don’t really consider them a jam band, but I digress. We’re not trying to be dicks, but we just take our friends’ tastes seriously in our group. We’re a discerning bunch with impeccable taste.”
Dan Sanders, an employee of a local record store Gordon frequents, claims he isn’t fooled.
“We get a wide variety of customers and tastes, but I can always tell when someone is trying to throw us off the scent,” Sanders explained. “Trent isn’t tricking anyone. He always comes up to the counter with a couple more popular staples but tries to sandwich them in between Moe or Disco Biscuits or some other atrocity that makes me want to ban him from the store. I’ll let something like the Grateful Dead slide. They’re American rock icons. I draw the line at bands with 20-minute songs named after string cheese.”
Presently, Gordon was in need of a miracle for this weekend’s Phish show where he will be selling homemade veggie burritos on shakedown.
