Second Lemmy Added to Mount Rushmore of Bassists
LOS ANGELES — In a controversial but, according to organizers, “inevitable” decision, the International Bassist Council (IBC) confirmed Tuesday that a second likeness of Motörhead’s Lemmy Kilmister will been added to the Mount Rushmore of B…
Tom Hanks Reveals His Character in ‘Saving Private Ryan’ Was Also a 13-Year-Old Who Had Wished To Be Big
LOS ANGELES — Actor Tom Hanks revealed that his character Captain John Miller in 1998 epic war film “Saving Private Ryan” was actually a 13-year-old… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Well Fuck Me Then! Friend of a Friend Introduces Himself Like We Didn’t Already Drunkenly Meet at a Party Nine Years Ago
Report: Hearing ‘One Way or Another’ Still Best Indicator That You’re Involved in a PG-Rated Movie Chase Scene
ROCHESTER, Minn. — Researchers at the Mayo Clinic concluded that hearing Blondie’s 1978 hit “One Way or Another” is still the best indicator that you… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Girl Boss Hires Girl Thugs to Beat Up Girl Union
TRENTON, N.J. — Members of the newly formed girl union at the Girl Power company report being subjected to vicious union busting techniques and beatings… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
L’Oreal to Only Test Makeup on the Ugly Rabbits That Need It
Girl Boss Hires Girl Thugs to Beat Up Girl Union
TRENTON, N.J. — Members of the newly formed girl union at the Girl Power company report being subjected to vicious union busting techniques and beatings… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Music
Visionary Photographer Tells Band to Look as Bored as Possible
LOS ANGELES — A visionary photographer told the band Murder Muffin to look as bored as possible during a photo shoot for an album cover, sources confirmed. “I told Murder Muffin to get on board with my vision or I’ll…
Anthropologists Discover Uncontacted Metal Subgenre
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Leading musical anthropologists announced that they have discovered a previously uncontacted metal…
Groupie Upgrades From Bassist to Merch Guy
SEATTLE — Local groupie Ellie Winterman made a significant quality-of-life change by deciding to sleep…
Local Man Basically the Next Elvis if You Only Count the Abusing Adderall on the Toilet Part
PROVO, Utah — Local man Adam Kerman was excited to learn that he’s basically the…
Report: Hearing ‘One Way or Another’ Still Best Indicator That You’re Involved in a PG-Rated Movie Chase Scene
ROCHESTER, Minn. — Researchers at the Mayo Clinic concluded that hearing Blondie’s 1978 hit “One…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…