White House Physician: Trump’s Narcolepsy ‘Normal’ for a Healthy Octogenarian Pedophile
WASHINGTON — White House physician, Captain Sean Barbarella, announced that recent viral clips of President Trump snoozing at his desk during Oval Office press conferences and nodding off in a luxury box at Madison Square Garden during the …
Where Have All the Real Women Gone? All I Want Is To Find a Girl I Can Have a Deep, Philosophical, Me-Talking-Only Conversation With
Once again, I have found myself in a situation where I am frustrated to say the least at all the women I am encountering in… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Karaoke Night Sound Guy Rigs Mic To Electrocute Anyone Who Tries To Hit the Falsetto in ‘Take on Me’
Trump Softens on GWAR After Learning They Own Slaves
WASHINGTON — A recent federal investigation into the theatrical rock group GWAR regarding their mock execution of Donald Trump on stage has been called off… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Punk Findom Bullies Men Out of Their Cigarettes
DETROIT — Punk financial dominatrix Sierra “Piss” Richardson nearly doubled her clientele in three days after pivoting to bullying area punks out of their cigarettes,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Casino Throws Out Old Money at End of Day
Oh, You’re a Buckethead Fan? Name Three Items on the KFC Menu
Hey you. Yeah, you with the Chicago Bulls jersey and the nunchucks doing what looks like a robot dance. And is that the game “Clue”… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Music
Chillinoutmaxxing Still Popular Among Willennials
PHILADELPHIA — Chillinoutmaxxing reportedly remains the defining trend among Willennials, with analysts noting an ever-increasing interest in the cultural attitudes and personal philosophies associated with the turn of the Willennium. “I’ve been taking chillinoutmaxxing way more seriously lately,” said 39-year-old…
Tall Guy at Local Show Pretty Sure Female Bass Player in Love With Him After Two Instances of Accidental Eye Contact
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Local 6’4” man Kyle Beebe is reportedly convinced that the bass…
Dave Mustaine Too Busy Filing Complaints With Amoeba Music’s Manager To Record ‘What’s in My Bag?’ Segment
LOS ANGELES — Legendary thrash musician and Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine was too busy complaining…
Punk Findom Bullies Men Out of Their Cigarettes
DETROIT — Punk financial dominatrix Sierra “Piss” Richardson nearly doubled her clientele in three days…
Karaoke Night Sound Guy Rigs Mic To Electrocute Anyone Who Tries To Hit the Falsetto in ‘Take on Me’
GETTYSBURG, Pa. — Local sound guy and part-time sadist Rick Smithston recently made life a…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…