Kash Patel Vows To Arrest Brown University Shooter as Soon as FBI Finishes Engraving, Planting Shell Casings
PROVIDENCE, R.I. – FBI Director Kash Patel has informed reporters of a breakthrough in the manhunt for the Brown University shooter, stating that they will arrest the suspect as soon as the agency's field operatives finish engraving leftist…
Opinion: You Can Be a Progressive and Still Hunt the Homeless for Sport – Guest Column by Gavin Newsom
My name is Chief Bob’s Big Boy in Charge of Things — Gavin Newsom. I’m writing this op-ed currently and with great intentions to talk… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Everyone Hates Him! This Guy is JD Vance
Band Photo Features Shirts of Four Better Bands
TORRANCE, Calif. — Up-and-coming hardcore band Loaf High are fending off critics after releasing a new batch of promo pictures that depict them wearing merch… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
We Sat Down With the Ghostwriter of Trump’s Touching Eulogy To Rob Reiner
When you enter the world of politics, you are no longer just a person; you’re a brand. Everything you say publicly has to match that… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Guy About to Cum Won’t Shut Up About it
New Spotify Wrapped Feature Shows How Much of Your Money Went to Funding AI Warfare Technology
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Spotify released its popular annual year-end “Wrapped” feature which gives users a snapshot of their music and podcast listening trends along with… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Stay in the Know
Music
Bandmates Makes Pact If They're Still Alive at 27 They'll Kill Each Other
TACOMA, Wash. — Members of punk band The Shitbutts renewed their commitment to joining the 27 Club with a pact to kill each other if they're still alive at 27, sources confirmed. "At the rate we're going, I'm 99% sure…
Diddy to be Allowed Conjugal Freak-Offs
FORT DIX, N.J. — The Fort Dix Federal Correctional Institute announced that it has granted…
Bad Religion Saves Money by Having Greg Graffin's TA Drive the Tour Bus Again
LOS ANGELES — Legendary punk band Bad Religion decided to cut costs for an upcoming…
Legendary Noise Band Reunites With Original Laptop
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — Seminal noise outfit GÜNT has reunited with its original laptop and founding…
Gonorrhea Outbreak Somehow Not the Worst Part of Bret Michaels Concert
CLEARWATER, Fla. — A gonorrhea outbreak during an outdoor Bret Michaels concert at the BayCare…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…