Kash Patel’s Official Travel Schedule Suspiciously Similar To Upcoming Papa Roach Tour Dates
WASHINGTON — FBI Director Kash Patel has come under fire for his official travel schedule being ostensibly identical to nu-metal band Papa Roach’s upcoming U.S. tour, sources report. “Patel’s use of government resources, which he passes …
Person Comparing Artichokes in Produce Section Running on Pure Instinct
ARCATA, Calif. — Local school teacher Sally Beehill is using pure instinct and deeply entrenched in thought while comparing which artichoke to purchase at the… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Why “Love Is a Battlefield” by Pat Benatar Justifies My Combat Veteran License Plate
Fuck It: Here Are Five Other Con Men From Queens We Can Also Elect to the Presidency
Jesus, how fucking stupid is this country for having elected the most obvious con man in America to the presidency not once, but twice? What,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Epstein Suicide Note Oddly Resembles Courtney Love’s Handwriting
SEATTLE — A Federal judge recently released the alleged suicide note of Jeffrey Epstein, prompting a handwriting analyst from Seattle, Washington, to make the shocking… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Stephen Miller First to Receive DMV’s Organ Recipient Card
Girl Boss Hires Girl Thugs to Beat Up Girl Union
TRENTON, N.J. — Members of the newly formed girl union at the Girl Power company report being subjected to vicious union busting techniques and beatings… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Music
The Sphere to Use Cutting-Edge Technology to Help No Doubt Fans Forget Who Gwen Stefani Likely Voted For
LAS VEGAS — Engineers at the Sphere in Las Vegas are reportedly using state-of-the-art technology to help No Doubt fans forget that lead singer Gwen Stefani is questionably MAGA during the band's residency, confirmed sources. “The Sphere features cutting-edge next-generation…
Punk House Enters 28th Consecutive Month of ‘No Mow May’
HOUSTON — Residents of a local punk house have unconsciously participated in “No Mow May”…
Nation’s Beefcakes Demand All ‘Appetite for Destruction’ Shirts Be Sold With Sleeves Pre-Cut
LOS ANGELES — The nation’s buff hunks have demanded all “Appetite for Destruction” shirts be…
Prescribed Antidepressants Thwarted by Mitski
LOS ANGELES — Local Eagle Rock resident Edna Rags has been questioning the efficacy of…
Aging Punk Worried He's Getting Too Old to Sell Out
LOS ANGELES — Paul Wallace, a 43-year-old punk from Boyle Heights, recently came to the…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…