Imagine Dragons Tap the Wiggles and Raffi To Open on Upcoming Tour
LOS ANGELES — Imagine Dragons announced their upcoming nationwide tour would include supporting acts featuring the Wiggles and legendary children’s singer Raffi, tour management has confirmed. “We just wanted an authentic, epic experienc…
Opinion: We Need To Destigmatize Pistol Whipping Randos in Laser Tag
In these contentious times, it is nice that we can all at least agree on what the two ultimate best things in life are: winning… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Karaoke Night Sound Guy Rigs Mic To Electrocute Anyone Who Tries To Hit the Falsetto in ‘Take on Me’
Trump Softens on GWAR After Learning They Own Slaves
WASHINGTON — A recent federal investigation into the theatrical rock group GWAR regarding their mock execution of Donald Trump on stage has been called off… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Classic Rock DJ Hastily Throws on ‘In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida’ Before Unwrapping Burrito
ALTOONA, Pa. — Local radio DJ Danny “Mustang” McGibbon quickly pressed play on Iron Butterfly’s classic 17-minute-long rock song “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” before diving into his lunchtime… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Casino Throws Out Old Money at End of Day
Oh, You’re a Buckethead Fan? Name Three Items on the KFC Menu
Hey you. Yeah, you with the Chicago Bulls jersey and the nunchucks doing what looks like a robot dance. And is that the game “Clue”… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Music
Drummer's Yearbook Photo Obscured by Guitarist and Half a Keyboard
SAN DIEGO — Local student at Pardo High School and drummer Grey Martin was noticeably missing in the majority of their yearbook photo, which predominantly featured members of their hardcore/finger-crust band, Crambulate, confirmed sources. “It comes with the territory,” said…
New Music Streaming App Will Take Money Directly From Artists on User’s Canceled List
SAN FRANCISCO — A new music streaming app will take money directly from controversial artists…
Rising Gas Prices Forces Touring Band To Flintstone Their Way Between Gigs
CONROE, Texas — The ongoing war in Iran and steep increase in the cost of…
Even Harsher Feedback Coming From Noise Artist's Dad
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Even harsher feedback was reportedly coming Monday from a local noise artist’s…
Chillinoutmaxxing Still Popular Among Willennials
PHILADELPHIA — Chillinoutmaxxing reportedly remains the defining trend among Willennials, with analysts noting an ever-increasing…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…