BIRMINGHAM, England — A large number of the attendees of Black Sabbath’s upcoming reunion show at Villa Park announced their plans to yell “Crazy Train” during the band’s set, annoyed sources report.
“I can’t wait to get shitfaced and scream my request for my favorite Black Sabbath song. I’m going to throw in a ‘Free Bird’ too for good measure,” dipshit Jonathan Wright said. “I’m a really big fan of that show ‘The Osbournes’ that was on MTV, so I figured I would go see the band that Ozzy was in if this is the last time they’re playing together. I don’t really know anything about them except for that one song, but I bet they’re going to be great. I hope Sharon gets on stage to scold Ozzy while they play. That would be hilarious!”
Actual Black Sabbath fan Francesca Anguiano looked forward to the concert with mixed feelings of excitement and dread.
“Sabbath is my favorite band, so obviously I can’t wait,” Anguiano mentioned. “It’s just that other people at their concerts are always so fucking obnoxious. I know I’m going to be surrounded by drunk idiots screaming requests for songs that aren’t even by them or starting ‘Ozzy’ chants even though he’s the least talented person who was ever in that band. I know they’re obviously not going to play any deep cuts from the Dio or Tony Martin years, so I just want to hear ‘Snowblind’ or, if I’m really lucky, ‘Megalomania’ without a bunch of posers ruining it for the true fans.”
Music expert Ji-ho Kim provided some insight into the phenomenon.
“Casual concertgoers have a long history of annoying the shit out of actual fans,” Kim provided. “Whether it’s Miller Lite-swigging Gen Xers losing their goddamn minds when Metallica predictably plays ‘Enter Sandman’ or bros needlessly starting fights with people for bumping into them near the moshpit at Dying Fetus shows, there’s always a contingent of clueless people who tend to keep others from being able to enjoy themselves. My advice for those who actually appreciate the music is to just make the best of it and hope that the dipshits all pass out in the parking lot before the band goes on. I’ve seen it happen before, so it’s not as unlikely as you’d think.”
At press time, the same dipshit concertgoers announced plans to scream “Welcome Home” at all upcoming Mercyful Fate shows.