Unfortunately, not every band can be good. Obviously, that’s a lie. They all totally could if they had the right singer in place. And by “right singer” I mean party advocate and overall good-time enthusiast Andrew W.K. That’s why we decided to rank 50 bands that would be improved if their singer was the guy who wrote “Party Hard,” “It’s Time to Party,” “Party Til You Puke,” “The Power of Partying,” and many more party-based hits.
50. Kiss
To be honest, the only thing that would improve Kiss is if every member of the band was replaced by Andrew. Even then I’m not sure it’d be enough.
49. My Bloody Valentine
Shoegaze bands are notorious for their immobility on stage. That’s boring to look at. I want to see a singer do mid-air kicks and throw punches with no regard for their personal surroundings and shit. Kevin Shields could never.
48. Cannibal Corpse
There’s no denying that Cannibal Corpse’s music rips. But their vocalist’s death growl reminds me of Tim Allen’s “Home Improvement” grunt. Replacing him with Andrew could be the missing link that would make them a household name.
47. The Misfits
An Andrew W.K.-era Misfits lineup would totally make up for the Graves era and whatever that era was where Jerry Only was the lead singer.
46. American Football
There’s nothing worse than an emo band that doesn’t look like they play the sport they’re named after. Andrew at least bears resemblance to someone who could be a backup linebacker.
45. The Pixies
Black Francis looks less like a lead singer of a band and more like a roadie of a band. If anything, Andrew would be more of a cosmetic change.
44. Dave Matthews Band
If Andrew W.K. replaced Dave Matthews as the Dave Matthews in Dave Matthews Band I would have no choice but to start wearing a hemp necklace, cargo shorts, and sandals. Actually, this is not ideal.
43. Trapt
The only thing stopping me from enjoying this band is their asshole lead singer. That and their music, lyrics, social media presence, and overall aesthetic. Andrew would at least fix one of their many issues.
42. Joy Division
Vocalists shouldn’t bum you out when they’re singing. They should inspire you to buy a six-pack on a Tuesday on your way to commit petty crimes with best friends in the name of “living your best life.”
41. Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young
Andrew W.K., Andrew W.K., Andrew W.K., and Andrew W.K. just rolls off the tongue better.
40. The Killers
The Killers pioneered Mormon rock for some reason. There should be a clear separation between church and music. Unless, of course, you’re Andrew W.K., who once titled an album “God is Partying.” Preach.
39. Sum 41
It’s not about Deryck Whibley being a poor lead singer so much as him being 5’7”. Andrew W.K. is 6’3”. That’s a frontman I can get behind.
38. Yo La Tengo
This band has been around for almost 40 years but I’ve never had the urge to actually check out what they sound like. With Andrew as their singer, I would finally have an excuse to look them up.
37. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band
The Boss is in his mid-70s, so someone’s going to have to take over for him when he retires. Just thinking ahead on this one.
36. The Smiths
There’s no doubt the Smiths were talented at writing music. Most Smiths songs start off with a Johnny Marr guitar riff that grabs your attention before Morrissey’s voice makes you go “yeah, no.” I’d like to listen to more than 20 seconds of a Smiths song before I have to turn it off.
35. Pearl Jam
I can’t understand a single word Eddie Vedder says. Even if I can’t decipher everything W.K. says, I know what the subject matter is going to be about.
34. Reel Big Fish
I don’t know what a ska band would sound like with Andrew W.K. at the helm, but I’m willing to give it a go.
33. The Smashing Pumpkins
Billy Corgan is severely lacking in exuberance levels and overall charm. It’s the main thing holding this band back.
32. Sublime with Rome
“Sublime with Rome with Andrew W.K.” may be a mouthful, but it’s worth the extra syllables if it means I’d be inclined to actually listen to them.
31. Backstreet Boys
The main problem with boy bands is that there aren’t any grown men in them willing to have a bloody nose on their album covers.
30. 311
311 has two primary vocalists. I can’t keep up with that many. You could just consolidate them into one Andrew W.K. and make everyone happy.