NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Michelle Reynolds was horrified to find her recent engagement announcement completely overshadowed by her friend Taylor Swift intentionally releasing an album on the same day, confirmed uneasy sources.
“I was so excited to show everyone the ring,” said Reynolds, who has been with her fiancee for five years. “The problem was that as soon as I started talking about it, everyone kept changing the subject to Taylor’s new album which conveniently dropped minutes after Jimmy proposed. And you know she’s done this just to take the attention from me. That’s why she called the album ‘Engagement’ and the first single ‘A Wedding That’s Not Mine.’ She also tweeted ‘I do’ followed by a link to the new song. Tay Tay has gone too far this time. I’ll probably still buy the record though.”
Swift acknowledged the coincidental nature of the album’s timing.
“When Michelle said to me that she thought Jimmy was going to propose, I had to get back into the studio,” said Swift from aboard her private jet as she flew to her favorite juice place on the other side of town. “I was just inspired, y’know? Love is such a muse. And no, I didn’t try to spoilt their sweet moment by releasing my most personal album ever as soon as I saw her Instagram announcement. I’m not some kind of narcissist who must always be number one. I just like to make music that stays atop the charts for 365 days a year. I even have an acoustic track ready to go for their potential pregnancy announcement as a nice little companion piece. And anyway, if you criticize me for that kind of thing, you’re a bad feminist.”
Music journalist Matt Munroe has written extensively about Swift’s prior offenses with this kind of thing.
“Whenever another pop star gets the spotlight, Swift appears,” said Munroe. “Charli XCX, Chappell Roan, and Sabrina Carpenter have all seen new albums, special editions, and acoustic tracks released by Swfit to dominate the charts and keep them from the top. Oh, I can see Swift is releasing a track right now to overshadow this interview. It’s literally called ‘Stop Reading and Buy My Records.’ She’s out of control.”
At press time, Swift was happy to report that during the release of Katy Perry’s new album, she can take a holiday as there is nothing to overshadow.