WASHINGTON — Global scientists warn if we continue on our current trajectory Australian recording artist Nick Cave and The Bad Seed’s 1984 Gothic Folk song ‘Red Right Hand’ will be featured in every movie, television show, and commercial by early 2025, sources report.
“We had been concerned about ‘Red Right Hand’ for some time, it started with ‘Dumb and Dumber,’ and of course, the ‘Scream’ franchise used it several times. But when old-timey English gangster program ‘Peaky Blinders’ used the song as its opening theme it really began to snowball. Now we have it on fucking episodes of ‘Ted Lasso.’ We all should prepare for the worst,” said Dr. Ted Gustonson from Universal Music Alliance. “If measures aren’t taken to slow this progress immediately we will be looking at U2’s ‘Songs Of Innocence’ situation, which nearly broke humanity’s collective consciousness.”
While there is consensus in the scientific community, representatives for “Red Right Hand” feel this is a “nothing burger.”
“Music goes in a cycle. Maybe this song has gone on an extended cycle, being featured in the ‘X-Files’ soundtrack, ‘Hellboy,’ and some show called ‘Wentworth’ that no one’s ever heard of, but it’ll naturally cool down on its own. I think,’ said American Music Association Representative Robbie Dawson. “Let’s not forget the song ‘Oh Ya’ by Swiss electronic outfit Yello. That definitive ‘Oh ya’ was everywhere! Did anyone die? Well yes. They did. But in this business, we have a 17% loss allowance. And we were almost under that.”
Nick Cave admitted that even he believes the song is a bit over-saturated.
“I mean sure, even I get tired of it. I heard it in a tequila ad the other day. I’m a goth icon, I’m not sure I give off Cabo vibes. That place would turn me to dust,’ said Cave from his lair. “Fuck it. I’m a goth dude from Australia. Have you been here? Everything can kill you here. Snakes and spiders and shit. So I’m going to just bank as much cash as I can while I can before a spider crab eats my brain, or something. So fuck off.”
Dr. Gustonson was unavailable for further comment as he heard there was an outbreak of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” in Southeast Asia.