SEATTLE — A coalition of ‘90s doctors announced this morning that fully vaccinated individuals are safe to peruse each other’s overstuffed CD binders in a…
BOTHELL, Wash. — Audio equipment giant Behringer excited consumers by releasing a new line of electric drum sets that comes pre-covered in dust, allergy-ridden sources…
LOS ANGELES — A recent study conducted by music researchers at UCLA concluded that Blink-182’s “Greatest Hits” album from 2005 isn’t in need of any…
LOS ANGELES — Aging punk Mike Cruz was ordered by the Council of Punk Legitimacy to inform his neighbors that he is a registered poser…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local punk and avid merch buyer Ben Riley officially crossed the line from human being to sentient merch booth with the…
CHICAGO — Local electro-punk-ska band, 25/7, is undeniably a group of people using instruments on a stage, that’s for sure, tolerant showgoers reported. “As I…
BEND, Ore. — Alleged “biracial poser” and local punk Liz Watson disappointed white stranger Dana Fields yesterday by inadequately naming three origin stories deemed exotic…
TORONTO — Local post-rock band To Lay in a Store of Sucking Stones unveiled a “Skip Intro” feature designed by programmers at Netflix for their…
ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Aging former Warped Tour musician Brent Storm sold his van and is now working for a local PetCo as a freelance pet…
BOSTON — An allegedly cash-poor Dropkick Murphys irked fans by announcing that Arbor Day has always been one of “their things” in what was “definitely…
Black Flag, Bad Brains, Fugazi, and just about every other legendary punk band has played this DC bar since its opening in 1980. Not to…
BALTIMORE — Hardcore music aficionado Steve Settler and metalhead Jasyn Moore shared a tender moment when they simultaneously yelled “Go!” while listening to “Slaughter of…
CHICAGO — The embattled President of Fraternal Order of Police Lodge 7, John Cattanzara, sought to negotiate for police officers to receive 45 more murders…
A relationship is a lot like a mixtape. You put a ton of time and effort into making something wonderful to share with the love…
LOS ANGELES — Longtime Smashing Pumpkins guitarist, James Iha, abruptly announced this week that he is parting ways with the band after realizing he had…