LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Organizers of a spelling bee primarily focused on metal band names were disappointed to see every participant eliminated in the first…
SAN BRUNO, Calif. — A sick-to-his-stomach backstage passholder at a recent Buckethead concert spent the whole night making sure to stay right nearby the conveniently…
TOLEDO, Ohio — Local nu metal guitarist and longtime imbecile Mike “Grundbutter” Hobbes of Synapse Flux somehow managed to lose his pick inside his electric…
DULUTH, Minn. — Local prog metal shredders Bride Of Pythagoras made an announcement this week that every member of the band would be taking a…
Glenn Danzig is known for a lot of things. He’s the legendary singer of the Misfits and other bands, he loves old horror movies, and…
COLUMBIA, S.C. — So-called At the Gates superfan Derek Chaulk was rattled after he discovered the Swedish metal band’s discography includes six other albums outside…
Long Island has a lot going for it. It’s got a couple of beaches, bagels, and more emo bands per capita than anywhere else in…
INDIANAPOLIS — 38-year-old nu metal fan Bryce Spiller went to extreme lengths to maintain his soul patch after deciding to comb over his thinning facial…
ROSCOMMON, Mich. – Local bachelor and self-proclaimed world’s biggest Dimmu Borgir fan Eric Sandstrom still isn’t sure if he’s pronouncing the band’s name correctly, giggling…
PRESCOTT, Ariz. — Local metal enthusiast Griff Nilsson asked his doctor to adjust the persistent ringing in his ears to a pitch that was more…
AUSTIN, Texas — Lady Nocturne, the founder and sole member of anonymous black metal project Broken Widow, admitted her secret identity only exists to spare…
PORTLAND, Maine — Police were forced to drop all charges against local metalhead Bryant Newman after Newman was able to use the shirt he purchased…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local doom metal aficionado Matt Galloway admitted he prefers to listen to podcasts at a mind-numbing .05x speed setting, confirmed bewildered and…
POMONA, Calif. — Legendary vegan metal band Feral Autopsy absolutely drenched their adoring fans with what was later revealed to be a fully plant-based imitation…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local black metal-themed book club Readers Morgul recently started their twelfth re-read of J.R.R. Tolkien’s classic “The Lord of the Rings,” sources…