LOS ANGELES — The Ronnie James Dio hologram created by digital holography production company Eyellusion in 2016 is already refusing to open for the inevitable, upcoming Ozzy Osbourne hologram, sources report.
“I started the hologram game when I performed at Wacken Open Air almost a decade ago, and I’ll be permanently decommissioned before I play second fiddle to the Ozzy hologram that’s most likely in production,” the Dio hologram said. “The reason my corporal form left Black Sabbath for the second time in 1992 was because I refused to open for Ozzy during the ‘Dehumanizer’ tour. Every actual Black Sabbath fan knows that Ozzy was by far the least talented vocalist the band ever had, and it’s not even close. The audiences would much rather see my translucent likeness sing ‘Neon Knights’ and ‘Voodoo’ over him mumbling the lyrics to ‘War Pigs’ and ‘Paranoid’ for the millionth time.”
The Osbourne hologram, which is in fact in development at Eyellusion, weighed in on the situation.
“Of course the Dio hologram will be opening for me,” the Osbourne hologram asserted. “He really expects to be headlining over the most popular metal singer in history? This was true when I was in flesh form, and it will be true when my virtual form is completed. Dio is lucky my human form got kicked out of Black Sabbath in the late ‘70s, because without ‘Heaven and Hell’ and ‘Mob Rules’ he never would’ve reached the popularity that he did over the next decade. Fans better get ready to see my awkward, blurry figure light up the stage in both clubs and festivals, because it’s definitely coming.”
Metalhead Heath Girard expressed his unhappiness with the situation at large.
“Ugh, I really wish they wouldn’t do these holograms at all,” Girard lamented. “I’m a huge fan of Dio, so it was heartbreaking seeing pre-recorded live footage of him projected onto a stupid Star Wars-knockoff hologram while bored-looking studio musicians played old Rainbow and Black Sabbath tracks. Ozzy was so overexposed when he was alive that I feel like his virtual show will be even more depressing. Maybe with both Ozzy and Dio gone, the remaining members of Black Sabbath will instead tour with Tony Martin on vocals, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.”
At press time, Eyellusion decided to create a hologram of the Dio hologram that was programmed to accept the situation.
