WORCESTER, Mass. — Black metal fan and Watain concert attendee Caleb Anderson’s choice of a tucked-in polo shirt was apparently the most disturbing part of the band’s controversial live show, disconcerted sources confirmed.
“Oh man, that guy was fucking creepy,” fellow concertgoer Jason Chen commented while scrubbing corpse paint from his forehead. “The lead singer had just unloaded several gallons of actual pig’s blood on the audience from these goat skulls that were adorning both sides of the stage, and I looked to my left and saw this guy in a Ralph Lauren polo that was actually tucked into his jeans. I was so weirded out. Especially since he paired the polo with argyle socks. Luckily, I kind of lost him in the crowd a few seconds later when the band started playing ‘Storm of the Antichrist.’ It was such a relief to get back into the normalcy of the show after that, because I was really shaken up.”
Frontman Erik Danielsson also noticed Anderson in the crowd.
“Watain is the musical embodiment of chaos, carnage, and damnation. Our live show is intended to corrupt the soul and drain the light from the eyes of all in attendance,” Danielsson noted as he loaded a gigantic inverted crucifix onto the band’s tour bus. “With that being said, however, there are some lines that should not be crossed. When I saw the collar on the shirt of that particular individual stay perfectly in place as he headbanged to ‘On Horns Impaled’ I honestly considered quitting the band and enrolling in Johannelund Theological Seminary back home in Uppsala. At the very least, I think it’s best that we avoid this town during our next North American tour.”
Anderson spoke excitedly about his time at the show, seemingly unaware of the effect he had on others in attendance.
“That show was awesome!” Anderson remarked, re-tucking a small part of his shirttail that had been jostled loose. “Being a fan of extreme music can be kind of isolating, and black metal shows are honestly one of the few places where I really feel like I belong and fit in. I just love being surrounded by my metal brothers and sisters while we bang our heads to the music we love. Hail Satan and chinos!”
At press time, Anderson had been refused admission into a nearby nightclub due to his outfit being “a little too alternative.”