LAS VEGAS — Guitar Zone manager Ian Potts experienced a sudden onset of post-traumatic stress disorder caused by hearing a perfect cacophony of loud, amateur…
MIAMI — Famed guitar wizard Yngwie Malmsteen revealed that his biggest musical influence as a precocious axe shredder was none other than himself and absolutely…
NAMPA, Idaho — A punk house dispute over fixing a carbon monoxide detector was abruptly resolved after every single resident passed out at once, lightheaded…
STOCKHOLM — Music streaming service Spotify announced late yesterday morning that it will replace the “Discover New Music” tab with the more comforting “Play the…
MADISON, Wis. — 14-year-old nu metal fan and novice Boy Scout Calvin Nelson is reportedly only interested in learning about the slipknot, frustrated sources confirmed.…
OURAY, Col. — Researchers at the Ouray Audiology Research Facility were equally thrilled and confused that a recently discovered Gregorian chant from 1592 somehow has…
GOTHENBURG, Sweden — Melodic death metal guitarist Jens Nyberg tried to use a Boss HM-2 pedal, infamous for its famous “chainsaw” guitar tone, to chop…
SEATTLE — Longtime Sunn O))) guitarist Stephen O’Malley stunned fans when he revealed the band’s name has had a glaring typo since their inception in…
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Local punk band Butcher Paper ostensibly only formed to garner attention by way of constant death threats and doxxing, music fans and…
BOTHELL, Wash. — Audio equipment giant Behringer excited consumers by releasing a new line of electric drum sets that comes pre-covered in dust, allergy-ridden sources…
CHICAGO — Local Tinder bot Jennifer, 29, whose existence centers on driving lonely men to fraudulent dating sites, organically stopped spamming anyone under six feet…
WASHINGTON — Prominent conservatives nationwide are beginning to inquire if they are still morally obligated to listen to Ariel Pink after the artist was spotted…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local punk and avid merch buyer Ben Riley officially crossed the line from human being to sentient merch booth with the…
CHICAGO — Local electro-punk-ska band, 25/7, is undeniably a group of people using instruments on a stage, that’s for sure, tolerant showgoers reported. “As I…
SCOTCH PLAINS, N.J. — Local software engineer and Faith No More superfan Duane Morsman left his residence this morning wearing a Faith No More t-shirt…