ROCHESTER, Minn. — Wife of local grindcore guitarist Denise Sadler was growing increasingly annoyed with her husband as he spent the last 45 minutes taking photos of their daughter’s cesarean section birth for his band’s album cover, hospital staff confirmed.
“I knew this was going to be a bigger pain in the ass than it should be when the doctor said I needed to have an emergency c-section, and Mike’s eyes lit up like he was excited by something other than the birth of our first child. Does he comfort me while I’m being cut open? Of course not, he’s too busy taking dozens of photos of my exposed entrails for the band’s next album,” said Sadler. “He hasn’t taken one picture of the actual baby! If he can’t be bothered to be at my side, he can go bother that motorcycle accident victim in the next room over.”
Mike Sadler understood why his wife was upset, but could not pass up the opportunity for original cover art.
“Of course I’m going to document this for the band! What’s more brutal than ripping a human baby out of someone’s body, and that someone happens to be your wife? I wonder how quickly I can get the rest of the guys over here before the doctor sews her back up. I can tell Denise is getting impatient, but she knew my band was called ‘Baby Blender’ when she married me,” said the new father as he loaded another memory card into his camera. “For the last album I got some good shots of our drummer’s staph infection, but this is way better. I was expecting a lot more blood though, but I can add that in later. Also I have a daughter now, so that’s cool too.”
The hospital’s administrator admitted they regularly deal with band members like Sadler.
“Right after Medicare cuts, I’d say grindcore and black metal bands are the industry’s biggest hurdle in patient care. I swear they just hang around the parking lot, trying to get in and photograph surgeries and amputations for the inside of their latest LP or some bullshit,” said administrator Daniel Franklin. “Just go stand in the woods with a rotting deer carcass and leave the patients out of this!”
Before the c-section was complete, Mr. Sadler was kicked out of the delivery room after asking the nurse to spell out his band’s name using his wife’s intestines.
