LOS ANGELES — Black metal-themed coffee shop Welkin Thirst unveiled their newest drink today: a spiced latte, containing zested pieces of a rotting pumpkin, black-clad…
LOS ANGELES — Singer/songwriter and self-proclaimed “antichrist” Marilyn Manson is in stable condition today recovering from spinal removal surgery that will enable him to lick…
LOS ANGELES — Local goth Jenny Carlisle successfully subverted cosmetic trends earlier this week by having her asshole professionally darkened at a nearby salon, unenthused…
BOSTON — Time traveler and anti-robot resistance leader Trent Mendez, sent from the future to warn humanity about an impending artificial intelligence uprising, was dismissed…
CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski reportedly may add a light gray sweater to her otherwise black wardrobe, potentially due to her fulfilling relationship,…
NEW ORLEANS — Local goth Peter “Draven” McGinty, burdened by his age and weight, has surgically removed his lower two ribs to alleviate his struggles…
SALEM, Mass. — The parents of goth teenager Thomas Sullivan are uncertain how to properly stuff their son’s fishnet Christmas stocking, sources close to the…
COLORADO SPRINGS, Co. — Known optimist and all-around “jovial soul” Sarah Burke was harassed again by the city’s goth population yesterday, with followers of the…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A ray of off-seasonal sunshine last week showed local goth Mark “Markness the Darkness” Patel that his shirt was actually a deep…
CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski used an entire three-pack of lint rollers in just five days, according to sources within the macabre woman’s…
DUNWOODY, Ga. — Local goth Gordon Fletcher was reportedly unamused by a coworker’s recent observation that he looks like someone who would play in a…
OKLAHOMA CITY — The owner of a local goth bakery refused to bake a wedding cake for an “unbearably happy” couple last week, sparking a…
PARIS, Texas — The Goths of the Hot Topic Empire took over a Sbarro restaurant early this morning, continuing their devastating campaign in the War…
CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski is exhibiting “incredibly dark, morose, and in no way different” behavior than prior to a recent breakup with…
If there are two things that teenagers love it’s horror movies and pop punk. So when Hard Style got the chance to sit down with…