OAKLAND, Calif. — Rapper Teren Delvon “Del Tha Funkee Homosapien” Jones learned that he’s a direct descendent of Del Tha Funkee Homo Erectus via a test taken through personal genomics company 23andMe, sources report.
“I had been wondering about this for years,” the prolific rapper stated. “My familial line has been this huge unanswered question for my entire life, so it feels great to have it resolved and finally get some closure. Now that I know that the Funkee line goes back hundreds of thousands of years, it makes a lot of sense given the line of work I ultimately settled on. Now I’m just kind of upset at myself for taking so long to take a genealogical test and find this out. I could have done this much earlier and saved myself a lot of sleepless nights.”
Rapper and fellow member of group Hieroglyphics Casual remarked on his partner’s newfound revelation.
“I’ve been trying to tell Del this ever since I met him,” Casual remarked. “It’s always been obvious from his flow and subject matter that he’s a part of the Funkee line. I mean, I’m happy for him, but I don’t think I’m alone in saying I’m not surprised by this. We’ve been putting out albums together since we released ‘3rd Eye Vision’ back in 1998, so if anyone is able to guess Del’s genealogy from his rap style, it’s me. I must say, though, that it’s pretty cool to share a group with a descendant of the mighty Del Tha Funkee Homo Erectus. I’ll view this as motivation for me to step up my game going forward.”
Archaeologist Jamie Balonji has made similar findings.
“These test results are actually a really well-timed complement to the discovery my team recently made,” Balonji said excitedly. “We’ve just uncovered a series of ancient cave paintings detailing a traveling poet who told tales of futuristic societies and people with poor hygiene. We can conclude with a fair amount of certainty that that individual is Del Tha Funkee Homo Erectus, and it’s incredible that we can track his family line to a man doing the same thing in modern day. This is definitely an exciting time.”
At press time, Balonji had unearthed evidence hinting at the existence of a Del Tha Funkee Homo Habilis, but more research was needed.
Photo by Mwaehner