BUFFALO, N.Y. — The entire crowd at last night’s A Day to Remember concert once again gave off the overpowering stench of hockey pads, nauseated sources confirmed after taking multiple showers and burning their clothes.
“I showed up with my entire roller hockey team and it looked like all of the other teams from our rec league were there, too,” noted A Day to Remember fan Larry McDuffy while playing “NHL 23” and drinking a mid-morning Budweiser. “I guess we should’ve hit the showers after our game, cuz it was pretty fuckin’ rancid. You know how sometimes security will spray the crowd with water at a festival if it’s really hot out? They were doing that to us, but they were dousing us with Axe Body Spray and Febreze.”
Although last night’s crowd was particularly ripe, members of the band state that their fans typically show up clad in the local NHL team’s jersey and emitting the corresponding funk of sweat-drenched goalie pads from Dick’s Sporting Goods.
“Our fans are amazing. They love flannel, beards, gang vocals, and they smell like absolute shit,” confirmed lead vocalist Jeremy McKinnon. “The fumes can get pretty intense during the shows, but I can live with that. Our roadies carry smelling salts on them in case we lose consciousness up there. But, to be honest, I wish our groupies didn’t always smell like they just spent two minutes in the penalty box for cross-checking.”
A Day to Remember’s fanbase may be exceptionally pungent, but experts assert that all metalcore bands have their own distinct musk.
“This sort of unique, highly toxic odor is not at all uncommon in the metalcore and metalcore-adjacent scenes,” noted music critic Stephanie Lieberman. “Taking a big whiff of each band’s tangy stank reveals quite a bit about their music and their fanbase. For example, an Avenged Sevenfold crowd has a distinct fragrance of Jagermeister and the inside of a Zumiez sneaker. Whereas an Underoath show is more church incense with a hint of Hot Pockets.”
As of press time, A Day to Remember’s tour bus was seen doing 85 on the highway with the windows down in a desperate attempt to air the band out before their next show.