LOS ANGELES — Pop megastar Chappell Roan is facing backlash across the internet for her perceived unwillingness to use her celebrity status to single-handedly broker a peace deal in the Middle East, multiple TikTok users confirmed.
“This is just not it. Chappell better be using all this free time she has after canceling her festival appearances to charter an eco-friendly jet with no carbon emissions to fly to Lebanon and broker a ceasefire deal before Iran decides to escalate this conflict even more,” said former self-proclaimed Roan superfan Leanne Winston. “And while she is in Beirut she better start building some new homes for victims of the air raids. I’ve been a fan of Chappell for nearly four months now, and the fact she isn’t on the ground in a war zone preparing meals for refugees just shows how out of touch she is.”
Beirut resident Abdel Saad is one of the many people who were displaced by Israeli bombing over the course of the past few weeks.
“When my home was destroyed I prayed to get clarity on why this is happening to me and my family. I had originally assumed this was due to Israel’s need for power and the United States’ complicity, but then I saw a short video about how Chappell Roan is MAGA coded and how she’s been the problem all along,” said Saad. “It’s not a coincidence that she released ‘The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess’ in September 2023 and Hamas attacked Israel just two weeks later and set all of this mess in motion. She started this all, and she has the ability to end it.”
United Nations Secretary-General António Guterres hopes to meet with Roan within the next few days to help the worsening conflict get resolved.
“At first I really wanted to set up a meeting with Chappell so my granddaughters could get a photo with her, but now I realize Chappell is the only person on the planet that can keep humanity from being launched into total nuclear war. But she has to act now, she has to stop making TikTok videos talking about her mental health and start helping with international diplomacy,” said Guterres. “We are dealing with true existential threats here and I’m glad to see there are so many heroes online calling Chappell to action, I just hope she will listen.”
At press time, Jason Aldean was being praised by right wing media outlets for saying all of America’s enemies in the Middle East should be “wiped off the map.”