LOS ANGELES — An errant red shirt in a recent laundry load led party-rock mainstay Andrew W.K. to attempt to convince those around him that he actually always wore fuschia-colored jeans, sources seeing through the lie confirmed.
“Not sure why everyone’s making such a huge deal about the pants I’ve always worn. It’s not like I’ve committed myself to a recognizable uniform that I’d look outlandish out of, so, again, really not front-page news that I’m wearing these pink jeans,” said a clearly trying to keep up appearances W.K., as his blushing face turned the same hue as his trousers. “Honestly, all these friends of mine saying that I’m always wearing white should really get their eyes checked, I’m worried for them, to tell you the truth. Or, maybe it’s the camera lenses that have photographed me over the years that have made them look that way? Any way you slice it, we can all agree: Andrew W.K. has always worn pink jeans, and white jeans have never been associated with him whatsoever. Now, where was I? Oh right, let’s party.”
Actor Kat Dennings, recently married to W.K., admits to feeling her betrothed’s secondhand embarrassment.
“Oh, it’s cringeworthy to watch your spouse squirm under such scrutiny, that’s for sure. I just don’t get why he’s so committed to the lie, the guy’s been wearing all white since before Y2K, just drop it!” said Dennings, as she watched her husband sullenly plunk away at a nearby piano. “He’s considering releasing a re-recording of ‘Don’t Stop Living In The Red’ as ‘Don’t Stop Living In The Pink’ to back up his claim, but I’m pretty sure the public will see right through it. His fans like to party, but they’re not morons. Plus, he looks good in that color, don’t you agree? ”
As to how and why a red shirt got into W.K.’s all-white laundry, the blame rests squarely on a rock star of a different stripe.
“Hell yeah, I tossed a red shirt of mine in there with his stuff,” said a brusque Jack White with a chuckle. “I’ve been feeling nostalgic for the days of the White Stripes and wanted to throw the old crimson on to re-live some memories, but that sucker stank. I probably hadn’t washed it since ‘De Stijl,’ and boy did the shirt ever ‘de stijnk,’ if you know what I’m sayin’! But, since all we famous rock stars use the same laundromat, it must have gotten switched up with Andrew’s. He should be thankful Slash’s hat didn’t end up in there, instead, you wanna talk about a nose-pincher! Hooo-eee! Welcome to the Jungle, inDEED!”
At press time, W.K.’s mood lifted considerably after he realized that an all-pink wardrobe would hide bloodstains far better than his previous attire.