South Dakota: The Spill Canvas
Speaking of emo-infused pop-punk, The Spill Canvas is ready to protect the borders of South Dakota from pop-punk’s would-be aggressors. Over the years, they’ve weaponized the swoops on their haircuts and can whip your head clean off with pinpoint accuracy.
Tennessee: Paramore
Though they may have dove almost as deep into the pop world as Panic!, Paramore has never turned away from their pop-punk roots. They would be called away from the glitz of Hollywood to defend pop-punk in the “Volunteer State.” Paramore would use a series of microphone chords, menacingly wrapped around angsty fists.
Texas: Riddlin’ Kids
Everything is bigger in Texas. Except pop-punk. That’s why we need Riddlin’ Kids defending the genre tooth and nail. Their weapons? A tooth and a nail. Weirdly enough, they were never on Tooth and Nail records.
Utah: The Used
What’s up with this region of the US and pop-punk theater kids? Between The Used and the histrionically named “Panic! At the Disco,” this region is overflowing with prospects in the pop-punk defense department. Passive aggressive body language and sassy hair flips are all they need to defend the PP.
Vermont: The Silent Mile
This is a case of a state either having no bands of a genre—a statistical impossibility—or that none of these bands have enough web presence for their band to come up on a Google search for “vermont pop punk bands.” Not a single one! Except for The Silent Mile. They’re passable, but they’ll prove their weight in the genre war. Especially since their weapon of choice is sweet, succulent maple syrup.
Virginia: Broadside
Broadside embodies the classic sound of East Coast DPP-era pop-punk. They are loyal soldiers in the defend pop-punk army. They will don their ultimate weapon: unsold merch. They will unleash an unlimited barrage of awkwardly sized t-shirts and ambitiously artistic individual show posters. Framed, of course.
Washington: MxPx
MxPx is the ultimate crossover. Part punk. Part Christian. They were perfect for their time and they influenced a generation of goodie-goodies to get into alternative subcultures, primarilly pop-punk. When the time comes to defend pop-punk, MxPx will stand on stage and fling their instruments to each other mid-song, as they always do. This time, however, the guitar-throwing ritual will open a portal to Heaven. God will walk through and smite thou who hath brought wrought upon the genre that is not really punk but not really pop either. Thank goodness these guys are on our side.
Washington D.C.: You, Me, and Everyone We Know
The power-pop-punk group known as YMAEWK is essential for defending the genre. Besides their ability to pen brilliant catchy songs, the sheer number of people who’ve been in this band over the years is gonna give pop-punk the numbers no matter who they’re facing. That’s the only weapon they need.
West Virginia: Jay Parade
Another SEO debacle, I assume. Either way, Jay Parade is what West Virginia’s got. Get on the front lines, fellas. Show us what you’re made of. They’d use the power of putting your state and genre in your band’s description.
Wisconsin: Masked Intruder
We’ll let the novelty aspect of this band slide but one false step and Masked Intruder is looking at a dishonorable discharge from the DPP army. Then again, it might be illegal to be “punk” in the Midwest so maybe they really are wanted criminals. Either way, they’d use whatever cops ‘n’ robbers props that came with their outfits.
Wyoming: The Lillingtons
Though more punk and metal than pop, The Lillingtons are the number one choice to represent Wyoming. There was a poppier punk band from this state but they’re also grounded. However, The Lillingtons are a welcome addition to the squad. They simply use the power of rock and roll to literally and figuratively blow everyone away.